What grandpa does while I'm gone..

The staff at the facility told me that grandpa had been acting up lately.  They caught him in the kitchen area lurking around one night.  Also, he dragged a bunch of luggage and old crap out of his closet, and insisted that it was all valuable and should be locked in the office closet.  I think he was just waiting until I left town to start some kind of trouble. 

Two days after I left, they found out exactly what he had been up to.  At two in the morning, he was standing in front of his bathroom mirror.  Out of his bathrobe pocket, he pulled a handful of the lemon-lime drink powder that he got from the kitchen.  Mixing in a little hot water, he made a thick green paste that he brushed into his thin gray hair with a toothbrush.  Next, he took out a handful of bits of tarnished metal that were hidden in a band-aid box.  He put in his four ear studs, heavy nose ring, and left nipple ring, and looked in the mirror to make a rock and roll face at himself.  To finish off the look, he stepped into his old black industrial Doc Martin boots with skull and cross-bones painted on the toes, and crept down the hall towards the office.  When he got inside, he wedged a chair under the door knob, and went to find the key to the locked closet.  He had seen where the head nurse hid it when she locked up his gear.

It must have taken him twenty minutes to drag his old Marshall 100 watt Super-Lead tube amplifier with hard-wired over-saturation from the closet to the desk.  For the final touch, he opened the case, and strapped on his old rockabilly-red, Fender Jag-Stang electric guitar.  He had a customized strap made from a chain of used machine gun bullets that let it hang down extra low.  After everything was plugged in, he pulled the microphone from the nurses communication console over in front of his amplifier, and flipped the switch that said, "broadcast all".  The "broadcast all" channel includes the nursing home intercom speakers, the staff earpieces, the corporate and management speakerphones, and the emergency lines for police and fire department calls. 

At three thirty in the morning, hundreds of people associated with the Shady Rest Retirement Hospital were abruptly jolted awake by a loud pop, hiss, and electric hum in their communication devices.  A moment later, a deafening sound blasted out of hundreds of speakers in the facility.  It sounded like something between grinding metal and one of those old motorcycle engines roaring in a kind of reggae rhythm. 

It took fifteen or twenty minutes for them to figure out which station the signal was coming from.  For another five minutes, a fireman broke through the door with an ax.  Two security nurses were momentarily stunned by the sight of the green-haired old man in boxer's shorts and black boots stomping around up on top of the desk thrashing out the bizarre music.  Grandpa was able to elude them by running around the room for an additional minute and a half.  Just enough time for him to finish his set.

The End

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