I stared at the computer screen, numbers and words like a secret code before my face as it passed through me with no meaning as I scanned through it. Today I couldn't concentrate on my work, my mind wandering elsewhere.
Sighing, I leaned back in my chair, running my hand over my face. What was I doing here? This had no meaning to me, sitting here at a bank at a computer. What was my purpose? Did I have no meaning but to drone onwards through a life which brought me no sense of happiness or satisfaction? Was this to be the rest of my life?
My eyes wandered to the trash can under my desk; the janitor had seemed to skip my wastebasket last week. I reached in, my fingers gripping about the cold glass frame as I pulled it out so it rested in my lap. I gazed over her face, my heart filling with anger.
For the past week I had been stunned, saddened. I had not felt bitter rage toward her-in fact, the first day I believed Christine would come back. For God's sake I was to propose to her that night before she broke up with me at the very dinner table I had planned to give her the engagement ring I had saved for for the last year!
I gazed to her smiling face, her eyes bright as her face was close to mine. Furiously I roughly tossed the picture back where it belonged-in the trash. You're not interesting...you're boring...you go through life looking for blessings when you don't see them around you...what dung she dished out on me! Not interesting! Boring! I don't see the blessings around me-I did, I saw how much I loved her and wanted to make her my wife. I loved her, God Damn!
My hands shook with the still remaining anger. Stupid woman, I snarled in my head. I hated hearing it, because my heart still tugged for her...longed for her...
Sighing once more, I rested my head in my hands, shaking my head.
I was glad to leave work. My boredom was getting the best of me and torturing me with thoughts of Christine. I glumly shuffled down the street on my way to the store. Maybe'd I'd pick up a microwave dinner to eat.
Grabbing a basket, I found myself walking listlessly through the aisles, almost forgetting what I was here for. I shook my head, turning down a different aisle to get to the frozen foods when I paused, watching a short, younger looking woman trying to reach for the food on the top shelf. I came up behind her, kindly snatching the small box of food from it to hand it to her.
I met her eyes and grinned widely. Her eyes were wide and inquisitive, set into a face dusted with ginger freckles. "Thank you so much," she told me, smiling back, looking up into my face.
"No problem," I shrugged my wide shoulders. For a moment we stood awkwardly, glancing at one another.
The woman laughed, gesturing further down the aisle, "Well, see you around, I suppose...."
She turned to leave but I cried, "Hey, wait!" Curiously, she paused, turning around. I pulled out my wallet, digging to find that small bunch of business cards I never used. Briskly I slipped one out and held it out to her, "Here, if you ever need help reaching something and you don't have a ladder handy...." Oh, God, I sounded like a terrible flirt trying to be funny, I couldn't believe I said that, or why I gave her my business card.
Taking it, she glanced down my name, laughing at my pathetic joke. "Keith Murphy," she read from the card. Looking up, she stuck out her hand, "Andrea, nice to meet you." I gently shook her hand and grinned wider. I probably looked like a fool. "Well, I better get going," She turned, and this time I let her walk away, my face reddening slightly. Hey, maybe it worked. Or I just completely creeped her out.