Nineteen: Reconciliation

I instantly grabbed my keys and raced for the car as soon as I hung up the phone. Thoughts were drumming through me at the same pace as my frantic heart. What was I going to say? As I drove, I mused and played at different words….it seemed a do or die moment.

Slowing down as I neared her building, I took a deep breath out. I just had to do it. To do exactly the opposite I usually did, go off impulse, and suffer the consequences or reap the rewards.

My mouth was dry as I knocked heavily on her door, shifting anxiously from foot to foot. I felt like I was about to jump into a race and the gun was just to fire. Swallowing, I wondered how I was going to speak at all.

As she opened the door, all the nerves washed away. Her expression was unreadable, yet full of emotion, her eyes searching me up and down. “Hi,” she said simply.

“Hi,” I replied, standing confidently in her doorway, keeping my hands firmly at my side so that I would not wring my hands out like I did in grade school when nerves got to me……

Silence. She seemed to snap back to reality, if we were caught in something of a daydream. As if this wasn’t real. “Come in,” Andrea offered. “Would you like a drink?”

“No-no, thanks,” I said quickly, stepping inside. She shut the door behind me.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really-thank you.” We stood in her flat, unsure of what move to make or what to say next. I decided to jump in first. To my amazement, I spilled everything, all of what I thought, felt-eloquently and without reserve. Andrea listened quietly, hearing everything I said with something of an awe. Her eyes were swimming with feeling, I was just unsure of what sort.

Smoothly she gave her retorts and reasons, and I my explanations. The conversation was a blur; I felt like a great weight had been brought off of me as I thoughtlessly continued on. Finally, I began to wrap up my performance-though I was not acting or pretending. I was being exactly who I was, without restraint or limitation. I took her hands, and stepped closer. Somehow I thought she would pull back, but she remained where she was. “And, Andrea….,” I sighed. No matter what she said, I would feel at least partly good that I had told her everything need be. “I know that, despite we have only known one another for….a few weeks, that I love you.”

She flushed slightly, a smile tugging at her lips. “Please forgive me,” I murmured, looking deep within her eyes.

“For what?”

“For everything,” I said quietly. “That I hurt you.”

Andrea half grinned again, allowing me to pull her into something of an embrace. Gently, I leaned over and kissed her. Closing her eyes, she returned it. I put all the love and care as I could into the one gesture, so that she knew. Her face, her eyes glowing, she retracted slowly, still near to me. “I love you, Andrea,” I whispered, as if it was a secret to be shared between two intimate persons. Elation upon her expression, she reached up to only kiss me once more.

The End

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