God hates me (Chapter 1)Mature

The best way I can explain this is a brief intellectualized view of sexual hierarchy and dealing with losing someone you love. I will add a new piece every few days with this same summary; I hope you enjoy!


Sarah checked the water temperature as she filled the ivory bath tub. She made her toes into little fists while adding Epsom salt and vanilla foam to the water. She lit scented candles and turned off the bathroom light. She pushed play on her CD player, slowly un-did her black silk bath robe and placed it on the doors hook. She checked the temperature of the water with her right toe and then slowly submerged the rest of her leg and then herself into the tub.


            Since Sarah was young this is how she dealt with her problems, sitting in the bath, crying, quietly letting her tears fall down her body into the tub. She would sit in the tub for hours catching every tear rubbing it into her skin. Her sadness belonged to no one. The world could hurt her, it could degrade her, it could beat her to the ground but her tears and her sadness were her own. Nobody could take that away. Tonight though, after her fight with Jonathan she sat in the bathtub staring into the water with her arms around her legs and felt nothing. She couldn't think to cry, the only things she could think to do were to pack all of her belongings into her vintage Saratoga trunk her parents gave her as an engagement present, and call a taxi.


"Why are you doing this?" Jonathan said.

"Because you never listen to me." Sarah said rushed, looking at the time from her cell phone.

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Really? Why is that?"

"Well, if I didn't listen to you I probably wouldn't have said anything when you told me you didn't love me and that you wanted to leave me."

"Well I don't love you."

"You told me you did this morning, what could have possibly happened that changed that from then to now?"

"Last night when we got into a fight while I was driving home, after I hung up on you, I went for a drive to think about it. While I was driving I thought that I got over it. When I climbed into bed and curled up next to you I honestly thought that I still loved you, and this morning when I said it I thought so too. It was only after you left and I was alone that I realized what the feeling that I had in the car was."

"And that was?"

"When I was alone you were not there. You weren't there telling me I was wrong, you weren't there judging me or criticizing me."

"Don't be stupid, I never criticize you."

"Nothing I can do or say is ever good enough for you, I don't think I could say one thing that would interest you, I'm sick of it."

"But I love you."

"I don't feel the same way."

"Didn't you hear what I said, I said I love you, doesn't that mean anything to you. Please, just un-pack your stuff, go back into the bath and think about it, you're making a big mistake. You will forget about this all in the morning."


Sarah's phone rang, it was the cab company, there was a car waiting outside. She closed her cell phone, let out a deep sigh and looked up at Jonathan.


"I'm sorry Jonathan; it just doesn't work like that... Bye."


            She slammed the door. It knocked off a photo that Jonathan had of his parents from their wedding day - his father was smiling. His mother was three months pregnant; her eyes were indifferent; she sardonically smiled for the camera - it smashed on to the floor, it sounded like a champagne toast. He bent down and picked up a shard of glass. He looked at how smooth the broken edge was and slid it down the middle of his right pointer finger. A dark red river parted through his finger print. He let the shard drop to the floor, licked his finger, walked into the living room and turned on the TV.

The End

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