My Testimony, just months ago

I was a Christian from a very young age. Perhaps that was because I had grown up going to church, and my parents believed in God. Perhaps it was the way that it just seemed ... right.

But when I was about eleven, I went through a rebellious phase. I didn't know what I believed. Eventually I turned back to God, realising I couldn't make it on my own.

But things changed this year.

August/September 2009 - London, UK. I am 13.

I think it really started when Donna died. Donna, a much-loved member of our youth group. 25 years old, but with special needs that made her much more at home with us youth than with the adults.

As far as I understand it, she had pneumonia with complications. We prayed for her, but it was not to be - she passed away. We were all very sad, but knew it was best.

She's home now, after all.

But it cast me into a massive depressed stage. Everything was going wrong: I'd lost her, and I was having arguments with all my friends, and my love-life was, frankly, "DOA", as it says in the Friends theme song. I couldn't cope any more: I was sure that God did not exist.

I used to cut myself. I still have the scars, some of them. The outer hurt made the pain inside not feel so bad. One minute I was certain that God did not exist, the next I was raging to fight for Jesus. That went on until right up to the 13th September.

But a friend of mine, Bekah, told me, "NO!" I was about to get baptised and she was sure that this was not the right frame of mind with which to give myself to Jesus. So I stopped - for a while. I was baptised on the 13th September.

For a while after that everything seemed to go okay. Sure, so the guy I liked still never even spoke to me, but apart from that ...

But in October I started cutting again. Bekah forced me to show her and she screamed at me, though we were in the high street at the time.

"How could you? How dare you?"

I realised she was right.

Since then, certain things have made me believe. Certain memories I've looked at in different lights. And I've been reading a lot more of my Bible. I know I can't live just on that, but it opens your eyes to a lot of things.

I read a book, named 'Jesus Freaks'. That changed my perspective on a lot of things. Since then, I've done my best. Since then, I've tried to be a good Christian. It's hard, but I've tried.

However, I know that's not all that's necesary. I need love, too. That's harder than following teachings. It's hard to love people you ought to hate but I've done my very best.

I think that's all I can do ... for now.

The End

77 comments about this story Feed