So, I had this wonderful little plan all thought out. I'll become prom queen, Britt will dump McCrippled Pants, and everything will go back to the way it was when we made out on Saturday nights at my place. Of course this time ‘round I intend to post my claim on her, make sure wheelchair boy (or anyone else) doesn't get anywhere near Brittany. But...when I got Kurt back from his little prep school and made sure me and Karofsky looked like the power couple of McKinley High (when in fact I wouldn't let that giant gorilla touch me, and I suppose that worked vice versa), my mind was always thinking of her, and nobody else.
I mean after I ditched our whole Born This Way sequence, I couldn't take of that shirt. "Lebanese" was written boldly on my front, kind of hiding the fact that the word meant something else. So for the rest the day, I wore it under my coat, walking around school in complete silence. I was thinking of talking to Brittany the entire time too. I even had an opportunity.
She was leaning against her locker next to mine when I saw her. It seemed like the perfect time to corner her and give her one more chance to be with me before I became prom queen. And plus, Four Eyes wasn't anywhere to be seen.
"Hey, Britt-Britt." I said and shuffled my hands into the pockets of my coat. "Can we...like, talk?"
I saw her eyes snap to me, her expression just as relaxed as usual, even though I could tell she was angry. I could always tell...
"You didn't come to the Auditorium." Brittany huffed and just getting straight to the point. Which, as well all know, was so unlike her.
"Of course not! Even if I did, everyone would think I'm like completely out of it. I'm Latina, not Lebanese, Brittany!" I argued. To anyone else who wasn't us, they'd likely think we're insane, or something. We might as well be...anything would be better than talking about...feelings.
A cute little frown formed her face, her eyes looking glazed over. "Yeah, but I would've known what the shirt was saying! It would've meant so much to me if you came up there and sang Gaga with us."
"And if I did?" I nearly yelled, pointing my finger at her, "Would you have dumped Stubby, huh? Would you?" Yeah, yeah, calling her boyfriend names wasn't going to help the situation, but what would people expect from me? To get all teary-eyed and openly hope that Brittany would indeed break up with the loser right then and there? I did that once and look where I am now? Refusing to sing with my own "friends" because I didn't want to admit that I was gay.
"No, I love him. Just like I love you!" Brittany shot back at me, but her face instantly dropped. Some part of me was beginning to understand now: she said she didn't want to hurt Artie, but she was willing to hurt me to protect him.
"Ugh, I don't get it! You say that you feel like that, but you can't, Brittany! You can't love two people at the same time."
"Why not? I love him and I love you. But I'm not going to be with you because..."
"Because...?" I tried to ask. I knew whatever she was going to say was going to hurt me. Again. But I needed to hear this; I needed to remind myself if Brittany was unwilling to be with my now, she certainly would be after I rule the school.
"Because you don't love yourself!" she screamed into the empty hall, "I like boys and girls, and I'm okay with that. And you? You're - You're a gay shark, hiding in a...in a cupboard!"My jaw dropped and I just stared at her.
She thought I was coward didn't she? Brittany S. Pierce thought I was freaking coward! "Forget it, Britt. You're lying to yourself, just as much as I am to myself. You love me," I growled. I'm not sure whether I was begging her to believe it or forcing her to admit the truth...I really don't know anymore, but I'm bent on having Brittany, whether the loser was in the way or not.
My final words before I left were: "You love me, and not him. And when this makes sense to you, I'm going to be prom queen, and nothing will hold you back. Until then...I guess we both gotta keep lying..."
My heart broke all over again as I walked away for the third time.