Dave Karofsky stared down the hallway at the retreating back of the tall, slender, brown-haired countertenor. God. What was wrong with him? He was the main guy at this school. Dating the hottest chick around, Santana Lopez. Why couldn't he feel something real for her? Something other than gratitude for helping him cover up what he was inside? Why did, ever since the guy came back to Mckinley, he always find himself staring at Kurt freaking Hummel? The school fag. The gay boy. The one Karofsky and all his friends had used to laugh at, push around and throw in dumpsters. The on who he had driven out of the school for a good few months. Because he kissed him. And threatened him, because he was oh-so scared of the truth getting out. God, he was a coward.
He wanted to punch himself. He wanted to smash himself into a locker. Why was he such an idiot? All his actions had been counter-productive. He had driven Kurt out of the school, and into the arms of that namby-pamby private school asshole, Blaine. The one who sung lead for the Garglers, or whatever they were called, the glee club Kurt had joined while he was at the gay school. Dalton. Just the word made Karofsky's lip curl. He hated the idea of Kurt being there, all snuggled up with that curly-haired twat.
That stupid hobbit who hadn't even been able to protect Kurt from him, Karofsky, someone who didn't really want to hurt Kurt at all. How the hell was he going to protect Kurt from people who really, truly hated Kurt? People who wanted him dead? He couldn't. He was a sissy little wimp. Karofsky, on the other hand, was a football player. Tough. Strong. Intimidating. The perfect guy to protect vulnerable, sensitive Kurt.
He remembered that day. The turning point of this all. He had shoved Kurt into a locker, hiding the love inside with hate. Back then, he hadn't really known what this feeling was. Why was he so drawn to this boy? So he had pretended it was just because the boy was such a useless, helpless little fag that he felt a little sorry for him. So he had put up massive walls of hate around himself, and not allowed himself the tiniest bit of pity toward the boy. He had shoved him and threatened him mercilessly, until that one day when he had followed him into the locker room, yelling and getting all worked up. It had kinda turned Karofsky on. So he kissed him, and instantly he regretted it.
Even though deep down, he knew it was what he had always lusted after, on the surface it felt wrong. It wouldn't feel right until Kurt kissed him willingly. So he punched the locker and ran out. And then, the next day, he had found the stupid, stupid fag had told his number one hobbit pal all about what he had done. And he had felt real hate filling his veins. But not for Kurt. For the other boy. The boy Kurt turned to when hurt, when scared. So he denied it. And threatened to kill Kurt if he told. And then, like that, Kurt was gone. Out of his life.
But Karofsky knew that this was not for good. He could not forget about this feeling inside. And when Coach Beiste had made the whole football team join Glee Club, he had felt such a strange sense of belonging, of connection to Kurt. It shocked him. So he pushed it away. Dancing, singing, that was for gays. Homos. Fags. But really, he had loved it. Because for once, he had been accepted for who he truly was.
He wasn't a fag. He wasn't. So why had he recently joined the freaking bully whips? He hadn't been able to resist the chance. The opportunity to see that strange, captivating face of Kurt Hummel once more... It had been so long since he had felt happy. And when he had seen that familiar face in the hallways again.. His heart had soared. For here was someone who understood him.