As a 5 year old you should be worrying about what clothes your Barbie should be wearing, or to wear Tinker Bell or Cinderella pajamas. No 5 year-old should be worrying if her mom may or may not be home tonight or tomorrow. No-5 year old should be watching her 3 year old brother when her older siblings are at school, her dad is at work and her mom has either left without a word or is too drugged out or drunk to watch the two little kids herself. You begin to develop a certain sense of hatred towards a person even at a young age of 5 when they are never around or aren’t really there even when they physically are. Forgiveness is important. If Anne Frank could forgive The Nazis and Hitler for the horrible wrongs they had done onto her and the other Jewish people, than I could dig deep down and forgive my mom. I believe in forgiveness and that even the worst people in the world deserve it because in the end you are only hurting yourself by holding on to the hatred and hurt that someone has caused. Forgiveness doesn’t forgive her behavior but it prevents her behavior from ever hurting me again. Anger only makes me smaller, while forgiveness forces me to grow beyond what I am.
There is no doubt my life would be incredibly different today if my mom had made different choices in her life. My mom has done many wrongs in her life that have impacted mine. I’ll never forget the moments I realized I hated my mom. I had to walk 2 miles home from school in the 1st grade. My mom was supposed to pick me up that day because it was teacher conference day. Excited for her to visit with my teacher because I had gotten almost all 4’s on my report card I patiently waited on the playground. As the time passed I just kept telling myself she’ll be here. She promised me this morning she would come. As it got darker I finally realized she wasn’t coming. Balling my eyes out as I walked home because all I wanted was my mom to be proud of me. I kept thinking I hate her. Why would she dothis? I finally arrive home to my sisters in a panic wondering where I’ve been why I was crying and I told them about conference day. I didn’t see my mom for three more days. On the fourth day it was Sunday I woke up to yelling and my dad stomping out of the house. About 2 hours later my dad came back packed up all his stuff and left. My mom looked at me and said this is your fault. I shouldn’t have had any kids.
I wouldn’t be there person I am today or have the goals I do if it wasn’t for what I’d been through in my childhood. I most definitely wouldn’t be the person I am today if I wouldn’t have forgiven my mom. Every person has their own struggles they go through every day. You can’t judge them or judge their reasons why until you have walked in their shoes. Nor do I ever wish to walk in my mother’s shoes. But to move on I have forgiven. I believe and swear by forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something we do for other people, it is something we do for ourselves to become stronger and move on.