You wake up with the covers still wrapped tightly round you. Pulling yourself free from their embrace you climb out of bed and make your way to the kitchen. The movement is almost automatic as you’ve blocked out most thoughts, doing this makes it easier not to think about James. You take a bowl out of the cupboard and fill it with cornflakes. Your movements resemble that of a robots and you mindlessly fill your stomach up with breakfast.
You sit like that for at least 10 minutes before you realise there’s someone standing in the doorway watching you. You snap out of your trance and pull your eyes down so they’re looking at the now empty bowl. You hide your face so he can’t see your blush. You didn’t think anyone else would be up and are instantly aware of the mess you look. Picking up your bowl you place it in the sink and try and make your way back to your room so you can sort yourself. But the doorway is blocked and James grins at you.
“Going somewhere kitten?”
“I was going to go have a shower actually but you seem to be standing in my way.”
“You’re welcome,” his grin stays on his face and his eyes stay on yours, “I’m in the mood for pancakes. Want me to make you one kitten?” The way he asks this makes it impossible to say no. So you nod at him and make you way back to the seat you just left.
James busies himself around the kitchen pulling out all sorts of ingredients and you stay sitting where you are just watching him. Any normal person would find this boring, but not you. You’re amazed at how at ease he looks in this environment. In any environment really. He moves from fridge to stove with complete perfection and even if you tried you wouldn’t be able to take your eyes away from him. Resting your head in your hands you smile at the beauty that you’re able to see right here and now. This moment wouldn’t last forever so you make the most of it while you can. You sit there and just watch with a small smile on your face. It’s odd how such simple things can make you happy and in this little bubble you forget all about the kiss and how much pain you’ve been in. You immerse yourself completely into the bliss you feel at that moment in time.
When James rests a pancake in front of you and sits next to you by the table you’re forced to take your mind away from the bubble and back to reality.
“Thanks James,” you tell him with a small smile on your face. You try not to look at him for too long because it will just make you want to kiss him again. His lips will draw you in, so you keep your eyes on your hands or the table.
“You’re welcome kitten. You know I’m happy to do anything for you,” these words twist at your heart and the longing to feel his arms around you again is excruciating. You focus on eating the pancake instead of the fact that James is sitting next to you. It never used to be this hard to control yourself around him, over the years you had learnt to deal with it. But now you know how it feels to kiss him, to have your arms around his neck and your hands in his hair, it’s so much harder. All your body wants to do is relive the experience and it takes all your concentration not to go and sit on his lap.
“Hey Autumn?” you look up at the sound of your name and try to act as normal as possible.
“I was wondering if you wanted to come out for dinner with me later? Seeing as it’s our last night here and there’s kind of something I’d like to talk to you about,” you place the last bit of pancake in your mouth and realise that you can leave now. You don’t have to sit there with your body and mind fighting over whether or not to kiss James.
“Yeah sure James. That’ll be nice. Erm, I’m going to have a shower now, so I’ll speak to you later,” you get up and walk out the room trying to figure out a way to control yourself when around him. If it was that bad at breakfast then it’s going to be even harder at dinner. But you have at least 8 hours to sort yourself out. That should be enough time…you hope.