A tear escapes

You walk back to the house in a daze. Your skin still feels like it’s on fire where James touched it. Your lips are still tingling and you want more of the sensation. Yet you don’t have the confidence to go and talk to James. You don’t want him to tell you it was mistake, that he didn’t know what came over him and that he shouldn’t have done it. You curse yourself for not getting up and stopping him from walking away. Not that you could have really, your whole body was under shock. You don’t think your legs could have carried you even if you tried.

You make your way slowly up the stairs and to your room. When you walk past James’s door you resist the urge to push it open and run into his arms. Even if you did do that, who’s to say James would push you away. So you just stand there with your hand on the door. You realise after a couple of minutes that James isn’t alone. There are two muffled voices coming from inside the room. You can’t tell who is with him as they’re not talking very loudly but you doubt Ben would go and see him. So you guess that he’s with Jessica, which doesn’t surprise you but still hurts. After what happened on the beach you just kind of forgot about her but the memory of James and her kissing comes back to you now. You can feel your heart twisting and you blame yourself. Obviously James is still with her and whatever happened on the beach meant nothing to him. You don’t know why he did it but he clearly doesn’t want you. You hate yourself for letting yourself think otherwise.

A tear escapes from your eye and you quickly take your hand off James’s door and wipe it away. You force your legs away from the door and push them to take you to your room. Least there you can cry in private.

When you get inside you crawl under you duvet making sure it’s covering your whole body. You did this when you were little, convinced that it would protect you from any monsters that were there. Your mum told you that if you were ever scared to hide under the covers and block the monsters out. Which is what you were doing now. Only you weren’t just blocking out monsters, you were trying to block out the whole world. You didn’t want to keep replaying the kiss in your head. You didn’t want to think of James hands on your waist and his chest on yours. You wanted to block out the world and these memories with it. So you stay there. Not even bothering to get up and get changed. Blocking the world out.

You close your eyes and wish for dreams without James in them, dreams that won’t hurt you when you wake up and realise that they aren’t real.

The End

242 comments about this story Feed