I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that

Ben pushes you against the counter and tries to pull you closer. You resist this part but continue to focus on the kiss. You love the contact, you’ve missed this. You’ve missed being wanted. It’s just a shame it’s not James that wants you.

“Ahem,” you push Ben away so you can see who the annoyed voice came from. Though you don’t really need to, you’re pretty sure you know who it is. Ben steps to the side and James’s annoyed face comes into view.

“Oh…erm…hey James,” Ben walks away from you and goes to make his way out the door, “I’ll be upstairs Autumn.” He winks at you and makes his way upstairs. You cringe, wondering how he thinks this night is going to end. Not that it’s hard to guess. You drag your eyes away from the stairs and focus them on James. His face hasn’t changed, annoyance is still written all over it. You’re not sure why.

“I thought you two were over?,” his voice is strained, like he’s trying to control anger. You’ve never felt more confused in your life. Why the hell is he so upset? And why do you feel so bad? It’s not like you cheated on James, but the way his eyes have clouded over with what you can guess is pain, makes you feel incredibly guilty. However, the confusion is worse then the guilt so you don’t reply and wait for him to explain. His eyes are watching your face and suddenly he punches the table. The sound makes you jump. You look at the table and then back at James, hinting that you wanted an explanation. Instead what you get his him moan and leave the room.

You’re not giving up that easy and you follow him out to the beach. He’s a lot faster then you realised. He’s sitting just in front of the water with his head in his hands when you reach him. You slide yourself in next to him, trying not to disturb him too much but enough so he notices you there. You stare out to sea in silence and wait for him to talk. You know he’ll only talk when he’s ready and pushing him won’t help.

It’s a good 5 minutes before he pulls his head out of his hand and looks at you. He looks completely defeated, like he’s given up. You don’t like this, it hurts you to see him hurting.

“James?,” he doesn’t speak he just looks at you, “What’s wrong? You can tell me.” You link your arm round his, just to reinforce the fact that you’re there for him. He moves his hand so it’s holding yours and puts his other round your waist. His touch leaves tingles on your skin but you cover them up. Like always. You concentrate on trying to figure out what’s wrong with James to take your mind away from the fact that his hand is now on your hip. He’s only trying to give you a hug after all, he clearly needs one. It doesn’t look like he’s going to be talking to you so you ask again.

“James, what’s wro--,” you don’t have the chance to finish because James has pressed his lips against yours. You’ve dreamed of this for so long so you don’t let your mind ask why he’s doing it. Instead you focus on the fact that his hands are on your waist and his lips are on yours. You wind your arms around his neck and push your hands through his hair. His lips are pushing on yours more forcefully and you try to pull him in closer. You want to be nearer to him. This moment is more then you could have hoped for, but as soon as you begin to get closer to him, he pulls away.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he takes his hands from your waist, gets up, and walks away. You’re left sitting on the beach alone feeling utterly helpless and confused. You’d give anything to re-live the past couple of minutes again but instead you stay sitting where you are trying to make sense of what just happened.

The End

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