Hurting

You’re so involved in the moment that you don’t remember how much pain this is going to cause you later. All you can see is his smile, and you don’t pull away, because you want this moment to last forever. You only take your arms from around his neck because James pulls away. Of course he would, he’s you’re friend. That’s all he sees you as. What were you thinking? You turn away and walk into the front room, attempting to make it look like you don’t care. When what you really want to do is go back in to the kitchen and wrap your arms around him and never let go. But that’s not possible, so you slump yourself on the sofa listening to the sounds of James cleaning up in the kitchen.

“Right, it’s all clean in here now. You okay kitten?”, you nod in response to this suddenly feeling too tired to speak, “Do you mind if I head off then? It’s getting pretty late”

“No that’s fine James, and thanks again”

“Anytime kitten”, he kisses you on the cheek and head out the door. Like always you whisper ‘I love you’ when he’s gone. Sighing you decide to head to bed, there’s nothing else for you to do and thinking will just lead to thoughts about James. You don’t want to do that to yourself, not after what happened in the kitchen. It will just put ideas in your head and you’ll wind up thinking you’ll have a chance. Which will lead to even more pain, so sleep is the best idea for you.

Climbing under your covers you can’t help but wonder what James was thinking in the kitchen. You want to know what was going through his mind, you want to know how he was feeling. But you know by now that you hardly ever get what you want, other wise you’d have James. But these thoughts hurt, so you try once again to push them out of your head. Closing your eyes you try to escape the world and the pain that goes with it.

The End

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