You whisper I love you when he’s just out of view, as you do every time he leaves. You sigh, things are easy with him and isn’t that’s how it’s meant to be? Easy? Apparently not. You walk through and collapse on the sofa, cursing at yourself for not being able to move on. It’s not like you haven’t tried, you’ve had boyfriends before. All of which got on great with James. But that’s who it always came down to. James. He would do something that convinced you that you had a chance, so you would break it off with Ben, Kurt or whoever. Making sure that you were single for James. When really he was just being himself, his normal, caring and friendly self. So nothing ever happened. And on it went in a circle, it would always end the same. So for now, you’ve given up on finding anyone else. Hoping that James will finally see that what he’s wanted all along is right in front of him.

You pick up the pillow next to you and scream into it as loud as you can for as long as you can. Feeling slightly better you get up and make yourself a mug of hot chocolate, your favourite comfort drink. While the kettles boiling you busy yourself clearing up the mess James left. You’re tempted to phone him and get him to come do it himself, but you don’t want to sound stupid. Plus seeing him once a day is hard enough. Stirring the hot chocolate you make your way to your room and climb into bed.

Your bed has always been too big for just you. You feel more alone in it then anywhere else, but you refuse to get a smaller one in the hope that the empty space will be filled. Even though hope usually leads to disappointment, you still live in a world of it. You can't help but hope. 

After finishing your drink you check your watch to see its half 10. Deciding that’s a good enough time to go to sleep you turn off your lamp and surrender yourself to your dreams.

The End

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