Thomas broke down into tears. He couldn't cope any more, he was scared of Steve's new methods for helping him and he was scared by how he felt about Lucy and he was scared of walking out of his bedroom door. Thomas was just scared. He was scared of everything around him, it never got better.
"Thomas?" Lucy asked worried and placed a hand on his shoulder. Something inside Thomas snapped. He could feel her soft flesh, he could remember every time he had felt soft flesh on him and all the pain that it brought. Thomas shudder away from the touch and looked down guilty. He felt mean and pathetic.
"Thomas, its alright. Is there someone I can call for you? Parents? Siblings? Partner?" Lucy asked hoping to get some response from the crying man in front of her. Her heart broke for him. Something was clearly wrong, maybe not psychically but psychologically and possibly mentally there was something wrong.
Thomas thought about it. He could never ask his parents, he didn't have any siblings and he didn't have a partner. The only one Lucy could call was Steve....and he didn't want to speak to Steve. He knew Steve was only helping him but that didn't mean he wanted to be around Steve. Steve's lessons had scared him which made Thomas worry that maybe he wasn't well enough and needed to go back to the mental hospital.
"M'fine. Don't call. Just having a bad day." Thomas mumbled and rubbed his eyes dry like a small child.
"Thomas are you sure?" Lucy asked not really buying his story. Thomas didn't answer and just nodded hoping that would be enough.
"Hey why don't we go have a drink?" Lucy asked. Thomas wasn't sure what to do, he didn't have any money but he was too scared to say no. He didn't know what he was suppose to answer.
"Thomas?" Lucy asked him.
"M'fine....I....I have to....I have to go....m'sorry." Thomas mumbled and hurried to his feet.
"Thomas are you sure? I don't think you should be alone." Lucy said and stood also.
"I have to go." Thomas mumbled and looked at the floor. Lucy sighed and knew there was nothing more she could do. Lucy felt guilty but unless he spoke she had no way to help him.
"Okay....if your sure." Lucy said.
Thomas laid on the floor upset and in pain. He's body was covered in bruises and he was sure he had broken some ribs again. He didn't know why every beat down on him, he guessed he was just as easy target. Not like he mattered at all. Its was a dog-eat-dog world and he was less then the dogs. That's what they said so it must be true.
"Hey, hey freak." his cellmate yelled. "What are you in here for?"
"Arson." Thomas mumbled truthfully. He didn't understand why he always had to go though this. He knew by now what had happened to put him in prison.
"Why did you start the fire?" he asked and stood cruelly on Thomas' back pressing down on the ribs. Thomas couldn't help but cry out in pain.
"I tried to kill myself." Thomas said with tears running down his face.
"I heard your girlfriend used to beat you up." He said. Thomas nodded and tried not to think of Callie.
"Your pathetic." he said and made a harsh blow with his foot to Thomas' head. Thomas cried out with pain again.
"Please." Thomas begged with tears running down his face.
"Is that how you begged your girlfriend?" he asked cruelly. All Thomas could do was nod helpless.
Thomas threw up in the toilet back at his room. Tears were streaming down his face and he hoped no one could come looking for him. He shook and pressed himself against the wall. Thomas wished their was a way for his pain to all end and he could just forget everything. But he knew it was pointless. There was only one way it would all end and if he failed he could end up in prison or the mental hospital again.
And Thomas never wanted to go back to those places. They had been horrible, he would rather stayed with Callie then go back to either of them. It seemed like he was trapped here on this earth remembering everything with no way of forgetting or escaping.
You can't run from yourself Thomas thought to himself. He threw up again and shakily made his way to his bedroom and curled up on his bed in a ball and continued to cry. He felt bad for just running off from Lucy but he hoped he didn't see her again. He didn't want to faint her with what was him, he was filthy, second hand goods, an animal while Lucy....Lucy was pure, and beautiful and sweet. Thomas had cared for him yet he was worthless and pathetic.
Thomas knew he just made everyone's lives miserable. He just had that effect on people.
"Thomas are you crying?" Steve asked as he poked his head around the door without knocking.
"Just feeling a bit sick." Thomas mumbled and quickly dried his eyes. It was half true after all. Thomas had throw up a few times in the bathroom.
"Aw my poor buddy." Steve said like he was talking to a small child again. He laid down on Thomas' bed and ran his head though Thomas' hair.
"I was coming to call for you for another lesson, but seeing as your not well you can just rest today." Steve said.
"Thanks Steve." Thomas said in a small voice and closed his eyes. Steve's hand where wandering though his hair, along his back, up and down his legs, across his stomach but Thomas knew he couldn't tell Steve to stop. Thomas knew that he had to pretend he was okay with touching like everyone else so he could leave the half-way house. Thomas just kept his eyes closed and tried to ignore the touching even if it did make him feel uncomfortable.
Before he knew it he had fallen asleep with Steve still touching him. Steve smiled at Thomas' sleeping from and gently and carefully let his touches become more sexual on the sleeping man.