I had school the next day. Mum begged me to stay off, but she didn't understand my need to see my friends. Besides, I had to be the one to tell them.
Unnecessarily, I made sure everyone who I met in my tutor room before school was in before me. I knew that there would be tears, from both them and me and I began to consider telling them after school, but I was ready now; I didn't see the point in putting it off.
Everyone was smiling at me as I walked in, I barely noticed the poems and paintings surrounding the walls of our english tutor room or the books piled on desks like mini towers. Just by the look on my face, everyone could tell that I had something bad to say.
"Hi, guys, I've got some bad news, you might want to sit down." I said before Rachel could ask me where I had been. Obediently, they sat on the tables, the chairs going unused before the teacher called us to order.
Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I felt stage fright and I was silent for a few seconds.
"You all know I've one to the doctors about my headaches," I had not told them about my other symptoms so as not to worry them even more, "Well, they were more serious than I thought," I lied, of course I knew I had a tumor, "The doctor did some tests and we found out that I have a brain tumor." I had prepared myself for this moment, going through every tiny detail before I went to bed so I was not crying, yet.
I couldn't believe the silence that followed. It was worse than being on a stage in front of ten million people. All thirteen of my closest friends were staring straight up at me, shock, confusion and disbelief in their eyes.
"What?" Heidi eventually said, "Are you serious? There's stuff they can do to get rid of it, right?"
Her words were the worst, I knew exactly what she was feeling after having imagined the same thing happening in reverse.
"They can't make it go away. I won't live through this one."
And then the tears started. Some tried to be brave for my sake, but it was just too much. I cried with them as they all crowded round me and I clung onto them. That was the worst sound I ever heard, fourteen agonised cries of despair and anger, and nothing could ever erase it from my memory.
We were still crying when my tutor, Miss Davis, came in. She was, understandably, stunned when she saw us all crying and half screaming. Slowly, everyone filtered out and I was left sobbing with just Heidi for comfort because we were in the same tutor group.
"Alli? Can I talk to you outside?" Miss Davis said and I followed her.
I had a very close relationship with Miss Davis; she was my football team coach and she meant a lot to me.
"What's up?" She asked, staring up because I was a head and a half taller than her.
"Miss," I laughed, "I haven't rehearsed anything to say to you."
"Just say it then."
"I had to go the doctor for some tests for my headaches mostly. They didn't come back good. Miss, they say I have a brain tumor and there is nothing they can do to stop it."
It took her less time for everything to sink in. Quicker than my friends, she was crying.
"I'm sorry, this is so horrible of me." She sobbed, clutching my arm.
"Don't be stupid." I mumbled, ducking under her arm so we were hugging, screw what everyone else said. I think I needed to hold onto her, she was such a big part of my life and we meant so much to each other. If it was up to me I would have spent what little time I had left with her, Heidi and everyone else playing football as the team we were, the only place I ever felt that I belonged.
"Why you? Why you?" She sounded just like my mum, but somehow it was better coming from her, more loving.
"You wouldn't believe me."
Sighing, I told her of Alice and my prayers.
"I warned you." I folded my arms over my chest, hating the fact that I had told someone that I deliberately did this.