I couldn't tell them, I wasn't the sort of person to do that in case I scared them. Besides, how would they feel knowing I was dying. Tears, I could cope with. But would they make sure they follow me in death, as I would if it was the other way around?
From my desk, I took a few sheets of paper and a pen once the salt water slipping under my glasses subsided. My hands were shaking, I didn't know how o write my death letters. There were so many people that deserved one and each one would be different. In total, I guess I must have written twenty seven letters, but two stand out to me that I have memorised. The first is the shortest letter I had to write, I suppose it would cause her heart ache, but I felt she had to know. Maybe she'd appreciate it, maybe she'd hate it.
All you need to know is that I took the tumour from you, even though you do not know me and I do not know you. I'm sorry.
Rather me than you.
The next was hard, but bearable.
I cannot say I love you, for I do not. I feel much, much more than you think. You will probably think I could have saved your sister another way; but trust me I had exhausted all other options. I'd done my time on earth, she hasn't and so it has to be me. Robin, you have to forgive me because I know it was the right thing and I know at one point you will see that.
Maybe I did it for you, I think I did at first. But then it was between me, your sister, and God. I know you don't believe, but if my death had taught you anything, let it be that there is always salvation. Don't ever give up, Robin, please.
I guess this is goodbye forever. It's odd how I will never text you once you read this, how we will ever again go jogging, how I will never borrow another book from you. No more badminton, no more summer festival, no more basketball, no more laughing. No more you. For me, anyway.
I hope you make the best out of your life, because I can see it even if you can't. I will miss you, much more than you can imagine. Everyone goes at some point, my number has come and so I leave you now, dearest Robin. Be happy.