I was fifteen, sixteen in three months. That got me wondering how much time I had left. Death had always been inescapable for me, I was not one to run from such things, but when had it gotten so close?
I thought about the little children I had seen on all the adverts, caring but not enough to donate, thinking that it would never be me. And now it was. Ironic. No one could help me now, no amount of money to fund research would ever be of any use to me. Not now.
I thought about all that I would miss. Prom, getting all dressed up with my friends with the slight possibility of Robin actually wanting to go with me. Getting a degree, seeing the look on my parents faces as I took that little piece of paper that would secure my future. Learning to drive. Having my first drink at a bar. First love. Getting married. Holding my dear children in my arms. I would miss that a lot. The worst one was thinking about all the friends I could have made and helped.
I wondered who would attend my funeral. Grieving family, crying friends. Heidi's reaction would be the worst; she is my very best friend and to be honest I feel quite glad that I will not be able to se her face.
How could I tell them all goodbye, forever. How could I know that I would never see them again, never be able to hug them, never be able to dry their tears again or share in their laughter? How could I leave them?
Only then, thinking about the loss my friends would have to go through did I cry. Normally I was a strong kid, the sort anyone could go to if they were upset and I would make it all better. Once someone called me a hero because of how many people I have saved. No, I am no hero. A hero saves the day without getting hurt. I got hurt. I always got hurt, so no on else had to.
So the facts:
Number one, Alice would survive.
Number two, I was going to die.
Number three, I was going to let my friends know exactly how much they meant to me.