Following the Sun

JANE HATED MONDAYS – SHE ALWAYS HAD. SHE FIGURED BOB GELDOFF AND THE BOOMTOWN RATS WERE ON TO SOMETHING WHEN THEY WROTE THE SONG “I DON’T LIKE MONDAYS” BACK IN THE 80’S.

AS SHE SAT WAITING FOR THE TEST RESULTS, SHE KNEW THAT NO MATTER WHAT – HER LIFE WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME. EVEN MONDAYS WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME.

HER LIFE UP UNTIL NOW HAD BEEN FILLED WITH EVERY CONCEIVABLE EMOTION KNOWN TO MAN – OR WOMAN IN THIS CASE.

IN HER OBJECTIVE MOMENTS, SHE COULD SAY THAT LIFE HAD GIVEN HER JUST AS MANY GIFTS AS IT HAD GIVEN HER OBSTACLES.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME JANE WAS TOO BUSY CREATING HER OWN CHAOS TO BE OBJECTIVE FOR VERY LONG. CERTAINLY NOT LONG ENOUGH TO CHECK THE OXFORD DICTIONARY IN HER BOOKCASE FOR THE DEFINITION BEFORE SHE DISMISSED THE ENTIRE CONCEPT AS LUDICRIOUS.

 

JANE BY ALL OUTWARD APPEARANCES SEEMED TO HAVE IT ALL AND TO BE LIVING THE LIFE. SHE WAS HAPPILY MARRIED TO HER HUSBAND OF 11 YEARS. THEY HAD A WONDERFUL NEW YORK STYLE LOFT IN THE CITY TO SHARE ON THEIR WEEKDAYS AND AN INCREDIBLE REMOTE LOG CABIN (COMPLETELY FITTED WITH EVERY ACCESSORY KNOWN TO MAN) ON AN IDEALIC BEACHSIDE SETTING ON ONE OF VANCOUVERS MANY COASTAL TOWNS FOR THEIR WEEKENDS.

THEY BOTH HAD SUCCESSFUL CAREERS AND ENJOYED A LIFESTYLE MANY WOULD HOPE TO ATTAIN. IT WAS OBVIOUS TO EVERYBODY THAT SAW THEM TOGETHER THAT THEY WERE PERFECT TOGETHER AND WERE TRULY HAPPY TOGETHER.

HE THE TALL DARK HANDSOME MAN FULL OF WARMTH, CHARM AND CHARISMA, SHE THE MYSTERIOUS DARK HAIRED BEAUTY WITH INCREDIBLE GREEN EYES. WHEN YOU LOOKED CLOSE ENOUGH – YOU COULD SEE HER EYES WERE THE COLOR OF GLASS.

IF THE SAYING THAT THE EYES WERE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL WERE TRUE, JANE WOULD CERTAINLY BE A CONTRADICTION. HER ICY GREEN EYES SHOWED THAT SHE WAS A LOST SOUL, SEARCHING, ALWAYS SEARCHING, BUT NEVER KNOWING WHAT FOR.

WHEN JANE WAS 16 SHE RECEIVED A BOOK AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM HER STEPMOTHER. “THE GARDEN OF EDEN” BY EARNEST HEMINGWAY. INSDE THEBOOK, THE INSCRIPTION SAID “I HOPE ONE DAY YOU WILL STOP RUNNING LONG ENOUGH TO FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.”.

BEING AS CLOSED OFF AS SHE WAS AND AS OBLIVIOUS TO HERSELF AND THOSE AROUND HER, SHE DISMISSED THE WRITING AS THE BLATHERING OF YET ANOTHER ADULT THAT HAD NO IDEA OF WHO SHE WAS AND DIDN’T CARE ENOUGH TO FIND OUT. SHE PLACED THE BOOK ON HER BOOKSHELF, AND AFTER READING IT SEVERAL YEARS LATER, GAVE IT TO A SECOND HAND BOOKSTORE IN EXCHANGE FOR A $.50 CREDIT TOWARDS YET ANOTHER TRUE CRIME, FORENSICS OR PROFILING BOOK.

YOU SEE, JANE HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A FORENSIC ANTHROPOLOGIST. EVEN BEFORE SHE KNEW HOW TO SPELL THE ACTUAL WORDS SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WANTED TO BE. JANES CURIOSITY REGARDING THE DEAD, HOW THEY GOT THAT WAY, WHO DID IT AND WHY WAS INSATIABLE. FOR AS LONG AS ANYBODY COULD REMEMBER THEY HAD NEVER NOT SEEN JANE READING SOME SORT OF BOOK ON THE SUBJECT.

 JANE WAS SO CAPITAVATED BY THE TOPIC THAT SHE HAD THE PLOT, THE VICTIM, THE ASSAILANT, THE METHODS AND REASONS WHY FIGURED OUT  - ALMOST BEFORE THE OPENING CREDITS OR INTRODUCTION WERE FINISHED IN ANY MOVIE SHE SAW, OR ANY BOOK SHE READ. TRUE TO FORM – SHE WAS RARELY WRONG.

 THAT IS HOW JANE APPROACHED HER LIFE- USING HER WELL DEVELOPED ANALYTICAL SKILLS, LOGIC AND REASON STEERING AS FAR CLEAR OF ANYTHING THAT COULD BE MISTAKEN AS EMOTION AS POSSIBLE.

 SHE WAS A MACHINE; SHE WAS STRONG, AN INPENETRABLE FORTRESS.  YET AS STRONG AS SHE WAS AND HAD BEEN HER ENTIRE LIFE – NOTHING IN HER CAREFULLY CREATED ARMOUR COULD HELP PREPARE HER FOR WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HER AND HER LIFE.

NOTHING COULD HELP PROTECT HER FROM THE RESULT OF THE TEST IN FRONT OF HER.

IN THE SMALL WINDOW THERE WERE 2 BLUE LINES. SHE WAS PREGNANT.

IN ACTUAL FACT, ALL 5 TESTS JANE DID WERE POSITIVE, BUT SHE COULDN’T NOT DO ANOTHER TEST TO BE SURE. JUST IN CASE.

AS SHE SAT STARING AT THE TESTS LINED UP ON THE COUNTER LIKE SOLDIERS – EVENLY SPACED – ALL SHOWING THE SAME RESULT, SHE DIDN’T KNOW IF SHE SHOULD CHEER AND JUMP FOR JOY OR IF SHE SHOULD CRY OUT OF FEAR.

FEAR OF LOSING ANOTHER CHILD. NOT THIS TIME SHE PRAYED.THIS TIME, IF SHE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING MAYBE SHE WOULDN’T TEMPT FATE AND WOULD BE ABLE TO KEEP HER BABY TO TERM.

AS MUCH AS THE THOUGHT OF HAVING A CHILD TERRIFIED HER – SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE, A PIECE OF HER COLD STEEL ARMOUR FELL AWAY AND SHE INSTANTLY FELL IN LOVE WITH THE BABY SHE WAS CARRYING INSIDE OF HER.

 

LEAVING THE TESTS ON THE COUNTER SHE PUT ON HER HUSBANDS BATHROBE AND CLIMBED UP ON TO THEIR LUXURIOUS KING SIZED BED.

WITH HER HANDS ON HER STOMACH SHE SMILED AND LAUGHED AS SHE EXTENDED HER STOMACH TO SEE WHAT SHE WOULD LOOK LIKE IN A FEW MORE MONTHS.

SHE LAY THERE FOR HOURS DAY DREAMING ABOUT HER HOPES AND DREAMS FOR HER BABY. JANE IMAGINED HOW HER SON WOULD LOOK AND WHAT FEATURES HER SON WOULD HAVE. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SON WAS CLEAR TO HER, ALMOST AS IF HE WERE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.

HER SON WOULD HAVE HIS FATHERS LAUGH, HIS SMILE AND SPARKLING EYES, BUT HIS MOTHERS DIMPLE AND LIPS. HE WOULD BE A LOGICAL THINKER LIKE HER BUT CREATIVE AND ARTISTIC LIKE HIS FATHER.

THEY WOULD TEACH HIM TO DRIVE CARS, PLAY SOCCER, FLY AN AIRPLANE – BUT ALSO TO COOK, APPRECIATE FOOD AND WINES (WHEN HE WAS OLD ENOUGH OF COURSE) AND PLAY THE PIANO. THEIR SON WOULD BE A TRUE RENAISSANCE MAN.

JANE HAD LONG AGO CHOSEN THE NAME SHE WANTED FOR HER CHILD.  BOY OR GIRL SHE WOULD CHOSE NO NAME THAT MIGHT LIMIT HER CHILD ON AN APPLICATION. A STRONG FIRM NAME THAT WOULD OPEN DOORS BASED ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND NOT BE CLOSED BECAUSE OF GENDER.

JANE NEVER IMAGINED FOR A SECOND THAT HER BABY WOULD BE A GIRL – HER STEEL WALLS HAD SHUT THAT THOUGHT DOWN – SO MUCH SO- SHE THOUGHT SHE NEVER WANTED A BABY GIRL NOR COULD NEVER BE A MOTHER TO A LITTLE GIRL.  

SHE THOUGHT BACKWARDS TO DOUBLE CHECK HER CONCEPTION DATE. SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO, SHE KNEW THE EXACT MOMENT IT HAPPENED. SHE HAD FELT HER SOUL MELT. SHE ONLY NOW UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE HAD FELT THAT MOMENT AND HAD BEEN FEELING FOR THE PAST 8 WEEKS.

SHE LONGED TO TEL HER HUSBAND CHIRS, BUT HE WAS OUT OF TOWN ON BUSINESS AND THIS NEWS WASN’T SOMETHING SHE WANTED TO TELL HIM OVER THE PHONE.

SHE HUGGED HERSELF TIGHTLY AND SNUGGLED DEEPER UNDER THEIR 1000 COUNT EGYPTIAN COTTON SHEETS – INHALING DEEPLY TRYING TO CAPTURE THE SCENT OF HER HUSBAND. SHE WOULD CONFIRM THE TEST RESULTS WITH HER DOCTOR AND TELL HIM WHEN HE GOT HOME.

SECRETLY INSIDE SHE WAS GRATEFUL FOR THIS TIME ALONE WITH HER BABY. SHE WANTED TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS SHE COULD WITH HIM BEFORE HAVING TO START SHARING HIM WITH REST OF THE WORLD. THAT WOULD COME SOON ENOUGH.

SEARCHING FOR A WAY TO HAVE THIS TIME TOGETHER LAST AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, JANE DECIDED TO WRITE HER SON A LETTER EVERY DAY UNTIL HE WAS BORN SO THEY COULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. SHE WAS ANXIOUS FOR THE BONDING PROCESS TO BEGIN.

SHE WOULD NO LONGER BE JUST PLAIN JANE, BORING JANE, GOOD OLD RELIABLE JANE – SHE WAS NOW GOING TO BE A MOTHER, A MOM. AT THE THOUGHT OF THIS, THAT SAME SPOT THAT HAD MELTED AWAY EARLIER BEGAN TO GROW AND EXPAND AND TO EMBRACE LIFE WITH A NEW FOUND SENSE OF PURPOSE, CONFIDENCE, STRENGTH, COURAGE AND NOW THIS OVERWHELMING SENSE OF LOVE AND A NEED TO PROTECT HER UNBORN CHILD AT ALL COSTS.

JANE WONDERED HOW ON EARTH SO MUCH HAD CHANGED INSIDE HER IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. HAVING NO LOGICAL EXPLANATION – SHE DECIDED THAT THIS MUST BE PART OF THE BIG PICTURE.

PART OF HER BEING PREGNANT WAS TO GROW AND NURTURE A HEALTHY BABY. THE OTHER PART SHE FIGURED THAT WAS JUST AS IMPORTANT WAS TO GROW AND NURTURE HERSELF AND BE A HEALTHY MOTHER. NATURE HAD DONE HER PART AND JANE WAS READ TO DO HERS.

IN THE QUIET OF THE NIGHT AS SHE WATCHED THE CITY LIGHTS TWINKLE; SHE REALIZED THIS WAS SOMETHING SHE HAD LONGED FOR HER ENTIRE LIFE. THIS BABY WAS THE GREATEST GIFT THAT SHE WOULD EVER BE GIVEN AND WOULD BE HER GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT.   

SO ENTHRALLED BY THIS THOUGHT, SHE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE THE WARM TEARS THAT SLOWLY FLOWED FROM HER EYES, MELTING HER HEART.

SHE SAT DOWN AT HER DESK, CHOSE HER FAVORITE PEN AND GAVE HERSELF PERMISSION TO USE ONE OF THE 6 JOURNALS SHE HAD PURCHASED BUT NEVER USED BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T BRING HERSELF TO DIRTY THE PAGES WITH INK.

IN ACTUAL FACT, JANE COULD NEVER WRITE A JOURNAL – SHE COULD NEVER STOP CRITIZING HERSELF LONG ENOUGH TO LEAVE THE WORDS ON THE PAPER. THE BRIEF MOMENTS SHE ALLOWED HERSELF TO WRITE ANYTHING WERE ALL BUT FORGOTTEN WHEN SHE HAD TO TEAR OUT THE PAGES BECAUSE HER HAND WRITING WASN’T NEAT ENOUGH.

VOWING TO CHANGE THAT, SHE BREATHED DEEPLY AND TOOK THE PLUNGE.

The End

0 comments about this story Feed