I Loved That SofaMature

As much as it was basically the only way out, jumping/falling out of the top window wasn’t one of my better ideas either. Since momentum is conserved through jumps, I’m so glad I landed on the sofa. Sure, I broke it, but that is easy to replace. My spine isn’t.

And of course, I couldn’t embarrass myself privately. As the dust cleared, I turned my head to see Harmony sitting in the chair opposite me, reading a history book and sipping her tea.

“You are so glad that you landed on that side of the coffee table.”

“Don’t you mean you’re glad?”

“Nope.” She stared at me over the top of her reading glasses. “Definitely you.”

I sighed and rolled out of the wreckage that had once been furniture, and dusted myself down. “When did you get back?”

“About an hour ago. Lix brought us in, but had to shoot off again.” She eyed my clothes, still set to show French finery. “And where have you been?” she asked, sounding like a parent who had just caught their kid coming in late.

“France. 15th May, 1770. It was a bundle of laughs.”

I strode over to an alcove filled with wardrobes, taking off each piece of ridiculous clothing and leaving it on the floor in my wake. I opened up the set of doors with my name on it and got dressed into some proper clothes. I couldn't describe to you how much more comfortable a simple t-shirt and jeans is compared to french finery of that era. There is a definite reason that fashion belonged in antiquity.

Harmony paused for a second looking thoughtful. “Isn’t that the day before Marie Antoinette got married?”

“Don’t remind me.”

Harmony shut her thick book with a thud. “What did you do?”


“What did you do to Marie Antoinette?”

“Well… I may have kissed her.”

“On the day before her wedding?”


“Oh God…”


“Please tell me you didn’t French kiss her…”

“Hey – when in France…”

“God, Fixer, you’re impossible.”

“Hello? We’re sitting in a gothic church outside of time and space, used as a refuge for time travellers and such like, and you say I’m impossible?”

“Sounds about right” a third voice interrupted. I turned around to see Tome’s bulky figure walk into view, carrying a replacement sofa on his shoulder like it weighed nothing. “What mischief has he got up to this time?”

“He shoved his tongue down a mid-1700s Queen-to-be” Harmony sighed, returning to her book.

“You made out with Marie Antoinette?”

“Well, I was kinda interrupted by the guards, but it wasn’t hard to find a spot to get away. She let them eat cake, and oh boy they did.”

Tome laughed, and then set the sofa down where the old one had been after kicking the remains away with his foot. “Someday, Fixer, something you do is really gonna come back to bite you in the ass. And I’m not talking nibble, I’m talking gnawing and such like.”

“Seconded” Harmony chimed in.

“You say 1770? Isn’t she a bit young for you Fixer?” Tome chuckled. Harmony smirked, drinking in my humiliation.

“She would only have been fourteen – it’s only three years difference.”

“Did you have to kneel down to kiss her?” Harmony pressed their advantage on my situation.

Before my dignity could take any more knocks, the large double doors at the end of the hall opened, and Liz came striding through. Immediately all three pairs of eyes already in the room were riveted on her – it’s kind of hard to ignore someone with bad burns, ripped and burnt clothing and a massive limp.

“Jimmy’s dead” she declared with tears in her eyes. “And Pete… well, I think you’ll have to come see.” 

The End

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