“Vacations were over. Ahh! The feeling of getting back to college, the independence. No more going to bed early, no more messaging him secretly without Mum getting to know.
I forgot to mention, after that day we chatted online, things were going well between us. Whatever little time we got, we were happy with that, each of us understood the other’s limitations.
But I had to remain a little safe from my mum. She has this habit of keeping an eye on my phone as to how many guys I talk to, anyone can be my prospective boyfriend. Sometimes she really used to get to my nerves”, Smriti was laughing.
-“Will you please stop talking about your mum and continue with what happened next?” I was getting irritated as she was dragging it so long. It’s already 4 am and none of us have got any signs of sleepiness. Four empty coffee mugs were lying before us on the window sill.
-“Hmm sorry, so I got back to college, a little early because of all the troubles of the registration. He had told me he would return two days later. That means, he would be on the train back to college now and all his phones are supposedly switched off. So no talking to him until he was back.
I wasn’t upset this time. I knew that atleast there won’t be any time problems or network barriers in between. There were no exams also. So we could spend a lot of time with each other. I got busy in setting up my room and all the running around for registration and all.
But he didn’t text me for a week. Not even for two weeks. He wasn’t even replying to my messages. I am not much comfortable talking to people on the phone, so I was a little hesitant in calling. I stayed online the whole day, days after days, just to catch hold of him online.
After one week, I found him online-
Me: what happened, no messages now-a-days?
Him: Nothing, just like that, not in a mood.
I was shocked. How could he say something like that? Didn’t he have any responsibilities towards our relationship? Didn’t he care for me? First he doesn’t text me, and then when I ask him, all he has to answer is this! Now my supportive, submissive feelings were turning towards anger. I started feeling as if all this was a mistake. All the things he told me that night came flashing by through my mind.
Did he meet her during the vacations? Has something started growing between them?
I suddenly had a feeling he was using me, and I was letting him do so.
Me: Why? Is everything ok?
Him: Yeah, Just a little busy.
I didn’t care this time. I was filled with anger. Let him not call me. I don’t care. At least I don’t have to suffer. What was my fault in this? That I fell in love with a man who loved someone else? That I cared about the feelings of a man who couldn’t care for me any less? That I didn’t behave like another girl would have done if her boyfriend told her that he loved someone else? BOYFRIEND, yes, that guy was my boyfriend!!!” Smriti was shouting at me now, as if I was guilty.
I kept my hands on her shoulder trying to calm her down. I could feel her choked voice, mixed with sorrow, anger, and regret.
“Me: ok, call me when you are free.
He didn’t call.
I felt liked crying. I cried every night. I kept my cell-phone on the loudest mode and woke up in the middle of my sleep innumerable times to check if he had texted or called.
But all in vain. Every morning I woke up, I could still feel my eyes were wet. I cried in my sleep too.
I knew this was supposed to come to a end someday. And it would hurt a lot then. The later it is, the more it would hurt. But I don’t know why, I didn’t want it to end so soon. I was preparing myself for the pain it would bring on me.
I was living in a world of dreams.”