I was still upset when I got up in the morning. Last night I tried to call him a lot of times, but the network sucked. I even sent a few messages, but I knew they were in vain. He didn’t reply to messages most of the time.
Since the first day I came to this college, I never liked going home. I liked hostel life more. I liked being with friends, the independence. When the rest used to be very excited whenever vacations came, I was the one who went to depression. No one ever understood why I was like that.
But this time, the vacations were different. I wanted to rush back home as soon as I can. I wanted to go and hug my parents. I wanted to run away from everything-college, friends, Independence, him. I didn’t know why I behaved like that. I thought I was happy with him. But as the vacations were approaching, I realised I wanted to be with my mum more than I wanted to be with him. I felt that I would love to get some sleep at night more than spending it talking to him. I didn’t know why I wasn’t enjoying it anymore.
I was the one who said that I wanted to fight for my love till my last breath. I was the one who wasn’t ready to give up. Was my determination making me hollow from inside? Was it making me weak? On one side I still wanted to be with him, but on the other hand I wanted to break free of it all, to give it all up and run back to my parents. I didn’t know why I felt like this, why I was doing this. The only thing I knew was that I needed to spend some time away from all this, with my family.
I was supposed to leave at 10 am. I remember him asking whether he could go with me to the railway station a few hours before the train came so that we could spend some time together before I left. We were both upset with the cancellation of our date.
But that wasn’t possible. My parents never let me travel alone. They always came to pick me up. So we even had to cancel that plan. I was badly upset.
Even before I left for home, I tried calling him up a number of times, but somehow the calls never connected. Now that’s what is called bad luck. The clock struck 10. With a heavy heart I took my bags and left for home.
Whenever I tried calling, I always got the message that his phone was switched off. So I stopped trying. I thought that there must be some problem with his phone, and he was as disturbed as I was. I knew he would call as soon as he could.
But he didn’t call.
I dunno why but I wasn’t worried or tensed this time. I don’t know why not talking to him didn’t upset me. I knew I had come home to get away from all the worries and tensions this relationship gave me so I didn’t call him.
We didn’t contact each other for a few days. I knew my reasons but I didn’t know his. I realised it’s been a long time and that I should call him. As soon as I took my cell and searched through my contacts to find his name, I realised that I didn’t have the number he used at home. I only had the college number which was supposed to be switched off while he was at home. I dropped my cell on the bed with a sigh. Now the only hopes left for me was to wish that he would call me.
How could I be so stupid that I forgot to take his number before I left?” Smita thumped her foot on the window sill.
-“Then? What happened? You got his number?” I asked.
“I waited, he didn’t call”