I held Silas's hand as we walked to the estate. I leaned on his shoulder, grinning as the setting sun caught the diamond. We had spent a few hours at the rock to gather ourselves. I'm not sure who was more nervous about it all: me or him.
As we walked, I reflected. I never thought I'd fall in love and, truthfully, I don't even know when it happened. I just remember waking up one morning and, when I saw him waiting for me like always, I felt my heart swell. The ice wall shattered when it did and I knew right away that I loved him.
That evening, I took Elvira to the small clearing and nearly fainted as I told her what I felt. She was excited for me and assured me that it was okay and I'd be fine. I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when we arrived for dinner.
"That's why Tommy was with you, wasn't it?" I asked and he chuckled.
"Yes, it was. Well, he was there more for support. God, I thought I was going to faint."
I giggled. "Why?"
"Jeez. I was certain you'd say no!"
We reached the estate and knocked. The maid answered and stepped to the side. I winked at Silas and hid my hands behind my back. I knew exactly where Thomas would be: the foyer pacing like a maniac. I was right.
He jumped when he saw us and we kept our faces even. He stopped walking and stared between the two of us.
"S-So?" he whispered.
"Well," I said slowly, walking over. "I've always wondered what it would be like to have a ring on my finger."
I showed him and he groaned.
"No!" he said. "No!"
I laughed as Elvira ran in. She saw the ring and squealed happily, hugging me tightly. Bryant and Lauren were in the dining room when we arrived and Lauren joined us while Bryant shook Silas's hand.
"This isn't happening," Thomas groaned, doubled over. "Oh Lord."
I giggled again. He looked up, his face pale. He yanked on my arm and pulled me into a tight hug.
"Stop growing up!" he said and I hugged him tightly.
Has it really been three years? It's so hard to believe. So much has happened I don't even know where to begin!
Just like you would have wanted, Silas and I went to London for our honeymoon. Lauren was right, it was amazing. There were so many things to see and do! I look forward to going again someday soon.
The wedding night was so awkward; I wish you had been there to tell me about it. Elly did a great job, though. It's really awkward to think of a woman sleeping with my brother; I can only imagine how the conversation between him and Silas went!
Of course, it wasn't until we got back that I got pregnant. I've only felt terror and excitement a few times in my life and let me tell you: I was a nervous wreck. There were a lot of conversations with Lauren who had given birth right when I found out I was pregnant.
There were a lot of beautiful moments during the labor. The best for me, though, was holding my sleeping son in my arms. Silas agreed to name him Thomas. Oh, Thomas cried a bucket of tears when he learned we had named our son after him.
I still have nightmares, though. Now I have Silas to help me through them. He's been a great sport about it. After Thomas was born, my nightmares became more numerous. I'm sure it was because of my insecurities of being a mother. Again, Silas has been my rock.
He wants a second child but Little Thomas has been such a handful! Even now Silas is scolding him for painting on the walls once again. But he's a beautiful boy. Perhaps when he's older we will have another.
Our wall is full of drawings I've done with Little Thomas. There are no dragons. Of course, there will always be a dragon but, for now, I have two knights. Silas did draw me a picture, though, of a black dragon labeled 'Life'. Instead of a knight, it was a woman with a sword and shield. Behind her were a group of people. Looking back, I'm pretty certain that's the night dear Thomas was conceived.
I'm very happy and I wish you were here to see it. I love you and I miss you both so much. As Silas keeps reminding me, though: you're always here, even if I can't see or touch you.
Keep protecting your princess, Daddy. I'll see you soon, Mommy.
I sighed as I blew on the ink to get it to dry.
"I just wanted the wall to be pretty," Little Thomas whined and I smiled as I closed the journal, setting it to the side so Silas could write in it.
I stood up.
"And we appreciate that you want to," I said. "But you can't paint without our permission, remember?"
The little boy hung his head. "Yes, Mommy."
"What do you say?" I prompted when he was still quiet.
"I'm sorry," he said and we both hugged him.
I kissed Silas. "Go ahead and write. I'll give this little menace a bath and get him in bed."
He chuckled. "All right, sweetheart. Good night, little guy."
Thomas hugged Silas tightly. "'Night Daddy!"
Silas went to the table and I put Thomas on my hip, opening the door to the new washroom we had added on after we got married.
"So, tell me about what you did today while I was at school," I said, starting to heat up the water.
"Auntie Elly showed me how to color in the lines!" he said.
"Wow," I said. "You'll have to show me this weekend!"
"Oh yeah!" he said. "That'd be so much fun!"
I beamed. "In the tub with you, mister."
He pouted. "Do I hafta?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," I said. "Get in before I bring in the tickle monster."
He giggled and quickly got out of his clothes and into the tub. I watched carefully to make sure he cleaned every bit of himself. I loved him with all my heart. I now had more respect for my brother. There were days that I just wanted to shove my head under my pillow from all of Little Thomas's antics. How could it have been like with a little girl while constantly on the move?
When he was done with his bath and dressed for bed, Silas was still writing. I got Little Thomas into bed and read him a fairy tale but he didn't make it far into the book and I giggled.
I kissed his forehead and cracked his bedroom door, another addition that was made when I got pregnant.
"Hey there," I whispered, walking up beside Silas.
He had finished writing and sighed, closing the book. He rested his head on my stomach and I smiled lovingly down at him.
"Some nights are harder than others," he said.
"I know, baby," I said, kissing just above his ear. "I know."
He stood up and hugged me, kissing me.
Once he moved to River Springs, Silas had begun keeping a journal. It was full of letters he wrote to his parents. He suggested I do the same and it really did help. We shared the journal and sometimes we would write to the other's parents.
"Did he do much fighting?" he asked as we got into bed.
I scoffed. "It's Little Thomas. Of course he did."
He chuckled and I put my head on his chest.
"I love you so much," I sighed and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Well, that's good because I love you, too."
I giggled and kissed him again. He deepened the kiss and I rolled on top of him, earning a surprised laugh. I took his shirt off and kissed his neck.
"How about we try for number two?" I whispered in his ear.
He stared into my eyes for a second then pulled me in for another kiss, rolling over so that he was on top. I laughed into his lips, knowing how badly he wanted a second child.
I was very happy with my life. The school was doing better than it ever has under my leadership. I was proud.
I had a loving husband, a beautiful son, and I was surrounded by my family.
For several years I wondered why I waited so long to open myself up to this. As Silas slept next to me, though, his hair sticking to his forehead, I knew why.
I was waiting for Silas and he was waiting for me.