Fine; I may have been a little wrong.

My eyes widened to the size of saucers as I flailed my arms above my head in an attempt to protect it from the large vase that was hurtling through the air towards it.

"I'm going to KILL YOU!" The love of my life shouted at me.

"Darling, sweetheart, goddess of all things good...I think you're being rash."

"Don't you try that charm on ME!" Each sentence became about ten decibles higher with every word she uttered.

"I would never--" Oh, there goes a dining chair.

Between her wild thrashes and obscene shouting, I gazed at her as best I could; she was lovely. The loveliest woman in the whole world.....slender but strong, patient (most of the time), kind (again, current situation excluded) and above all, she loved me (usually).

We had been circling inside the house like that for about an hour and a half, first with me in the kitchen and her staring me down from the dining room. Then, me in the living room as she had moved into the kitchen, peering at me with daggers in her eyes. So far there was only about $1000.00 or so in household damages. Pretty good, I thought.

"Lydia," I ventured for a little rational conversation while the missiles were slowing for the moment. "Can we talk about it?"

"Talk about WHAT? About the fact that my boyfriend is THE MOST irresponsible, brainless, idiotic FOOL I've ever seen? Is that what you want to talk about!?" She panted for a second, trying to get her breath back. (She was magnificent when she panted.) "OR, do you want to talk about the fact that you SOLD OUR HOUSE FOR A BOAT!?"

"Oh...umm...the,uh, the latter." I stammered.