The second day of school wasn’t any better. Out of eight classes I have yet to really talk to anybody. There are about 20-30 students in each class so that makes approximately 170 or so. Some people I have in more than one class and they still don’t talk to me. Nobody really talks to me. Oh well, I wouldn’t really know where to begin if someone did say something to me.
You might be wondering what I would do during lunch besides walking around. You don’t tend to have much energy when you’re depressed so exercise is a little hard. I found a hiding spot. It’s pretty obvious. They are everywhere and everybody goes in there so it wouldn’t be weird if I went in. It’s just strange if you don’t come out in the next five minutes. I hope you know where I’m talking about so this isn’t such a shock. I have been eating in the one place at school where other people won’t be around. I have been eating in…umm…the bathroom. (Queue gasp)
Terrible I know. I can’t help it though. I can’t bring myself to eat with other people. Hell, I can’t even eat alone outside on a bench. What a life this is. No friends at school, hiding in the bathroom just so I can eat lunch. At least I wash my hands before I eat and don’t touch anything when I’m in there.
Whenever I’m in the bathroom, eating, and somebody comes in I get so scared. I just stop and be as quiet as a mouse. I don’t want to get caught eating there. That would be so embarrassing if people knew I ate lunch in the bathroom. It’s kinda funny because other people hangout in the bathroom too. Just not the same way I do. There have been times when a group of three or four Mexicans would come in and just talk for a few minutes. Meanwhile, I’m trying be invisible.
Over the next week or so I stopped shaking on my way to school and wasn’t as anxious in class. I still didn’t have any friends but that was bound to change eventually. Somebody would say something to me one time or another and maybe we could be friends. I just hope it’s not, “why don’t you talk?” or “why are you so quiet?” That is SO annoying. You think I don’t what to talk; that I don’t want to have friends or mean anything to somebody? I want that more than anything but it’s just not happening.
Ok, never mind. Forget that last sentence. This guy wants me to sit with him for lunch. Oh my God! I was just on my way to my hiding spot and he called me over. He asked where I was headed and I told him I was just walking around. This guy, Bryan, sits next to me in Biology but by no means is he my friend.
I ended up sitting with him and of couple of his friends. And guess what! I…actually…ate! I suppose I got accustomed to school or something. I don’t really care what happened, I just know that it’s freakin awesome! Now I don’t have to hide in the bathroom. I only sat with him that one time because believe it or not, I made a friend that had the same lunch; a lady friend this time. No!! She was not my girlfriend at all or did I even think about it. Either way, things were starting to get better. I wasn’t popular, I didn’t have the hot girlfriend, but I at least had a friend.