What makes me live like this? I don’t want to talk to people but I need to know I matter to someone. The people that do care I don’t reciprocate; nothing matches. Where is my fix? What is wrong with me? I’m pushing with one hand and pulling with the other. Standing on the outside looking in; what am I looking at? This house is not a home. My friends are not my friends and this life is not life. This is floating and taking the waves as they come and passing by opportunities. This is not life. I don’t sleep very well and often wake up feeling like I didn’t sleep at all. My alarm sounds but many times I am already awake. I always feel alone even when surrounded by people. Happiness encompasses me but I just don’t reach to it. My hands are not bound but they feel like it. Shadows are a constant reminder of loneness. I could easily get rid of them by flipping the light switch. Why don’t I? My mom asks, “did you have a good day?” Why do I say “yes”?
Stop tying me down. I want to live free from you. I don’t know how to break the chains. I lay helpless in a burning field. Everything turns black by your touch. All exits have closed. The smoke fills this place as heat rises. Why can’t I rise with it? I just sit and stare into your fiery eyes as you consume this life. Nobody understands what my life is like. I want to do things and go places but I can’t. You can’t understand what it’s like when you can feel the heat from countless eyes even though they’re not aimed at you. I thought I would have gotten used to it and overcome. I am used to it now but it’s still there; lingering above me like a corrupt halo. Pulling strings and pushing buttons; you are in control.