Behind these tormented eyes

     What makes me live like this?  I don’t want to talk to people but I need to know I matter to someone.  The people that do care I don’t reciprocate; nothing matches.  Where is my fix?  What is wrong with me?  I’m pushing with one hand and pulling with the other.  Standing on the outside looking in; what am I looking at?  This house is not a home.  My friends are not my friends and this life is not life.  This is floating and taking the waves as they come and passing by opportunities.  This is not life.  I don’t sleep very well and often wake up feeling like I didn’t sleep at all.  My alarm sounds but many times I am already awake.  I always feel alone even when surrounded by people.  Happiness encompasses me but I just don’t reach to it.  My hands are not bound but they feel like it.  Shadows are a constant reminder of loneness.  I could easily get rid of them by flipping the light switch.  Why don’t I?  My mom asks, “did you have a good day?”  Why do I say “yes”?

     Stop tying me down.  I want to live free from you.  I don’t know how to break the chains.  I lay helpless in a burning field.  Everything turns black by your touch.  All exits have closed.  The smoke fills this place as heat rises.  Why can’t I rise with it?  I just sit and stare into your fiery eyes as you consume this life.  Nobody understands what my life is like.  I want to do things and go places but I can’t.  You can’t understand what it’s like when you can feel the heat from countless eyes even though they’re not aimed at you.  I thought I would have gotten used to it and overcome.  I am used to it now but it’s still there; lingering above me like a corrupt halo.  Pulling strings and pushing buttons; you are in control.

The End

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