Fighting past my first love!

This is NO story. It's nothing really. I just HAVE to put it here. Get aload off my chest. It's not a story, not a rhyme, not a poem. It's just feelings I think and have.. I HAVE to write them down. So it might not make sense to anybody. But I understand it. & I have to put it down. Please Excuse this..

He used to have long, black hair..
He was skinny. Tall.
He keeps himself, to himself. Quiet, Understanding, caring & lovely to chat to.
Everytime I passed him in school... My heart skipped a beat.
Everytime I even layed eyes on him.. I thought I was gonna collapse.
My so called friends make fun of me cos' I like someone like himself...
"hes not your type".. "he's a gimp (loser)" ... " he used to be an emo...?"
I dont CARE what THEY think. He's different. I really did... experience love for the first time in my life.
I always thought Love was when two people love eachother. Not when one person loves the other.

When he signed on msn. I got butterflies in my stomach.
I'd say "hii" and knowing he might not reply. Made me wanna cry.
Why do I feel this? I know I'm not too young to be feeling these feelings?
When I talk to my mum. To even mention hes two years older makes her angry.
I just... I can't describe how much I like.. No. Not like, Love this guy.
He hardly knows who I am.. He walks past me. I can't even look him in the eye!

I had a dream about him. He was in my art class.
I didnt want to look up. I felt all sweaty & nervous. Like my heart was gonna explode inside my throat.
He looked up. Our eyes met. He said "hello" calm and cool. I said "hi" as if somebody was holding a gun to my head.
His friend told him to talk to me. They spoke for a while. He looked up & stood up.
He walked past me, behind me.. He stroke my back. Smoothly, softly. I shiverd with a good feeling inside.
I looked up, looking how I normally looked. He smiled as he said "excuse me" wanting past. He stopped on the spot though?
Just as I was gonna, finally stand up, my eyes opened. Then I realised it was a dream.
"NO!" I wanted to scream.

I drew a picture in art. I didn't like it. I tried my best to make it look good. I think it was crap.
I showed him it on msn. He said he liked it. He likes the background through the windows.
He actually liked it. I could'nt believe the words that were typed before me.
I just sat on my couch.. frozen. My heart & eyes glued to his display name.
 
(F) David_Living the life as it should be says: your shadings good. the back bit throught the window is good :)

Like I said. Even though that one sentence he just typed up quickly meant nothing to him. It meant everything to me.
It was as if it were a will of some kind. Giving away millions to me. I just could'nt believe it.

Am I immature?
In SVS. We were at the library.
He was there. On the computer.
My heart was throbbing, badly,
She knows how I feel about him. But she just makes me want to hit her when she keeps going to me (shouting)
"oh look.. YOUR LOVER BOY, ASHLEIGH!!". I mean. Why do that? It's not funny.
When the words spat out her mouth. I went bright red. I felt as if I was on fire.
I looked over to where he sat. His head rose up a tiny bit. Barely even noticable behind his computer screen.
I just wanted to sit in the corner and die... I tried to hide it that period. Laughing, joking.. being myself.
But the way he acted was like "shes so immature" to me. Everytime I laughed I could hear him kind of sighing.
Why does he do this? I can't help it. It's me at the end of the day.. I might not be good to look at, but all
I ask if that if he could just smile.. & not want to make me just.. Kill myself!

Sooo... he used to have long, silky, black hair. Tall, Skinny..
Now He has short hair.
He's single.
A Christian.
He's still Tall & Skinny.
But He's changed so much towards me.
He's never on msn & never even looks at me in school. Has he ever?
Why.. Why Do I of all people have to have these kind of feelings for someone...?
It's not just "part of growing up"... These feelings arent crushes. It's intense and exhilarating passion of LOVE.


(F) David_Living the life as it should be. says:
Sleep tight. Night night ^^ xx.


Best night of sleeep I had in all my L I F E!


20:43 14/10/2009.

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