i told my sister after a few months of self harm and depression last time, i got help. and i got better. but its come back, and all i can think is. what's the point in getting better if it's just gonna come back again. it's easier just to be like this. no expectations. at least this way i know how it is.
cause honestly what's the point of getting rid of the monster when it's just gonna come back anyway. and maybe the monster has become a big part of me, and if you take away the monster what will be left?
what if there's nothing left other than the monster?
what if i am just a monster, maybe this is the way it's supposed to be, am i just supposed to be a depressed, self-loathing monster?
it doesnt seem particualry fair, but then again. life isn't meant to be fair- is it?