sadnessMature

No-one will read this, but does that mean i shouldnt write it? just because no-one knows, doesnt mean it doesnt matter. just because i dont say it, doesnt mean it's not happening. just because i say im fine, doesnt mean i am..



i dont know what to do anymore.

 No-one will read this, but does that mean i shouldnt write it? just because no-one knows, doesnt mean it doesnt matter. just because i dont say it, doesnt mean it's not happening. just because i say im fine, doesnt mean i am.

its worse at night, i cant escape my feelings in the dark, they creep up, one by one then all at once. its getting harder and harder to act as if im OK.

 

i dont know what to do anymore.


i always used to be a happy girl, ya know? that girl who could smile her way through any situation, the girl who knew that everything was going to be okay.

 

But now im the girl with dark thoughts, the girl who's afraid of herself. im not exagerating when i say this, but nearly every five minutes i think about cutting, how i could do it, where i could do it even what i would use, its been nearly six months since i last self harmed and its like its calling me back. its getting so hard not to. sometimes ill text one of my friends to distract myself but more often then not they won't reply.

 

i cry every night, im not happy. it sounds so simple yet its so hard. if my parents knew theyd be so dissapointed, they thought i was better. and i was better for a while. but i guess this is what they call a relapse. a relapse of my depression.

 

At school sometimes i forget to smile and someone will queitly ask whats wrong, i so often want to tell them the truth, get out that list i wrote and confide in them, to tell them that everythings wrong. that i want help. but how do you say that to someone who is expecting it to be a recent problem, because telling them that will let them know that youve been lying, pretending. because for the past two months ive been unhappy, i hide it, all day, everyday. but at night-time, when im alone. there's no-one elft to hide it from.

The End

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