leaping into the future, and trying to let go of the past.
He looked into my eyes with such understanding, he saw what most people did not or could not. It was somewhat pleasing but at the same time, made me feel vulnerable to him. I had my mind set on not being consumed by another ever again. How could his stare melt my heart with such soothing ease? I was not in control, but tried hard to hide this discovery from him. For how long though, he would soon know and I would no longer have that tough exterior that made me. I would no longer be able to fight the attraction that he dangled in front of me, waiting for me to bite. His absence made me feel empty, and I was overwhelmed with this feeling. I was confused, and I wanted to run again. Everything about him was adorable, and innocently clear. His intentions were simple, and harmless, so why was I so scared? Why couldn't I let him into the part of me that lie dormit for so long, I had been waiting for someone to come along. Someone who really saw what was behind those bright green eyes of mine. He ws like poison and I was addicted. Oh help me lord, I was like a frightened little school girl waiting for her first kiss. His lips were soft and his eyes so gentle, but I had to be strong. His grasp around my waist felt complete, and he waited patiently for me.
I always drempt I would some day meet my prince, and we would be happy and free. He would pamper me with love and spoil me with his precious time. So you can see why I'm so cautious, heading all the warnings. I never wanted to feel the way I did just 10 short years ago. A time in my life, I was sure to learn from. A part of my life I vowed never to return to.
I use to be a cold person, because he made me that way, broke me down and threw me away. Eventually I grew the courage to rescue myself, and jumped on the boat to Freedom. Along the journey I learned to be myself again, become strong again. Regaining my confidence changed me, I now know who I am even more then before. I believe this is why I'm so guarded when it comes to letting someone inside the walls of my mystery.
So here I am now, fininding someone who will be that man, I'm afraid to open the door. I'm so terrified I will push him away, and that's not my goal. How do I let go, how do I begin my new life with him? It's complicated and my mind is aware of more then I am willing to admit. There is a part of me that wants to hate him, but I can't stop thinking of him. Concealing every negative thought I have, hiding every insecurity. The pain of yet another broken heart would not be something I could recover quickly from, and refuse to subject myself to all together.
I want to cry, and not even knowing the reason, it feels sad. Is love suppose to take over your emotions with such force you feel powerless? I'm not sure that I can survive the wait, let alone make through each new day. All these things I am thinking, and I haven't the slightest clue what is on his mind.People can pretend to be so sincere, but really they are fake. How do you seperate the two?