I tried calling Eric as soon as I got in but it went straight to voicemail, I left a message, “Eric, Eric, I know you’re there. Please, Just call me back,” I was shaking, he never avoided my calls, I sat back against the head board but couldn’t cry, I needed someone there im strange in that way, I cant cry on my own. I called Jenny but the call tone was busy, so, I was alone, in a dark, empty house.
My head ached, I wandered into the bathroom and grabbed a box of pills I looked at them not really noticing what they looked like and unscrewed the top of the bottle and looked inside at the small white pills contemplating how many I should take, what did I want. To carry on and live a normal life? To get Eric’s attention? Or to die? But how do I know how much to take so I don’t die? I read the bottle, Morphine, take one tablet with food.
I put the bottle back, this was stupid, I couldn’t, I went back to my room slightly shaken by my suicidal experience. I sat down on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands, feeling weak, I knew I was just being stupid but It felt like an invisible dagger was being driven through my chest and all I could think about was Jase’s smug look. I jumped and started punching the wall until my knuckles bled and left red smears on the wall I stopped and walked back into the bathroom and started running water over them and wrapped them up with bandages, I stood for a while looking in the mirror at my tear stained reflection before grabbing my coat and heading outside into the cold night air.
It was about 10pm as I walked to the Rooksbury Mills park which had a huge lake there, it looked beautiful in the dark and it was a good place to think I sat on the cold bench with my IPod plugged in listening to Panic at the disco. I looked across the flat water of the lake, it was like a sheen of glass, calm and cold, the breeze was cooling and gentle and I closed my eyes letting the lyrics wash over me. I heard a rustling from behind me and turned round to see a figure, My heart leapt as two hands pushed me hard. I slipped and fell crashing into the once calm still water.