Once upon a time there was a girl called Red Riding Hood, and she was called this because she tended to always wear a red hooded jumper. Her grandma had tried to get her to take it off, but Red refused to to let anyone wash it. As a result, the hood was more a greying yellow than a red.
One day, Red's mother asked her to visit her grandmother, deep in the middle of a deep dark forest.
'You can take these muffins to her,' her mother said, filling a basket for Red to take. 'And maybe you could even stop in the middle of the deep dark forest to pick some flowers.'
'Please tell me you're joking Mum. You want me to walk through a deep dark forest alone to visit Grandma? Therre might be muggers and paedophiles in there.'
Red's mother took out a packet of Benson and Hedges, and lit herself a cigarette.
'Yes, well. Just don't talk to anyone, OK?'
'Why does Grandma live in the middle of a deep dark forest anyway? She might get murdered.'
'She likes living in a deep dark forest.'
'Could everyone stop saying deep dark forest please?' Red said, picking up the basket. 'Do you want anything while I'm out?'
'Yeah, could you get us some milk and a loaf of bread?'