Name of Paper: The Wibbleford Monthly
City: Mud-In-The-Bog, United Kingdom
Title: Fish Sues Centipede over "Leggist" Comment!
Controversy has exploded today over whether D.A.M.P (Dull And Meaningless Drivel) society should be held to justice over a "leggist" comment made at A. Haddock by Lots Ovlegs, a centipede and fellow member of D.A.M.P. Haddock claims that Ovlegs called him a "legless damp creature" and suggested that he "didn't have a foot to stand on" when arguing.
Ovlegs of course denies making any such comments.
The jury decided that the matter should be settled, not by the usual method of fighting to the death between the two parties, but by a set of thirteen-and-three-quarters tasks to be completed as soon as possible. Whoever completes the tasks successfully will win the case.
Ovlegs' first task is to chop down the tallest tree in the world using nothing but a wet sock, a jar of marmite and a piece of mouldy cheese. Haddock's task is to not laugh while Ovlegs tries to complete this challenge.
Further updates on this case will come as it happens.
Article written by: I. B. Anutcase