Exclusively Irreplacable

The day I met you I thought you were cute. I found myself straining to catch your eye, to laugh a little louder so you would turn your head and smile at me.

You walked out the door alone. 

I looked forward to seeing you, my heart thumping at the chance to interchange ideas. I didn't see you that day.

And then we did meet. We did talk. We couldn't drop our conversations and they stayed alive hours on end, on idle sidewalks and were slowly brought indoors. 

We snuck out to continue what we had started. I promised myself I would never lose such a close friend. You swore to yourself you would become more than a friend.

We became everything. You wove yourself into my family as the older brother I'd always wanted, compassionate with patience for my partially retarded sister. We formed a family. You played daddy, I mommy, and my sister was baby. I learned how to love her with you. You found the love you had always needed. 

And you, in some ways become my husband. You rearranged my view to see my own light. It was always there, just hidden behind my inner critic whom you tamed. Set free I showed you passions and emotions you never knew you had. 

Under your wing I came to love myself. And when things became too perfect I muddled them up to create a story. I couldn't gage how much of the change was my own, and how much was your love. I needed to know if I could love myself without you. So I took your love and ran, and I proved to myself I didn't need you to love me. 

And you felt caste away, unneeded. You walked away from your deepest fear to find it elsewhere and then as it became too late I realized I loved myself best when I made the person I most care about glow.  I wasn't my best without you. There is a difference between survival, and happiness. 

So I was able to love myself as you broke my heart with another girl, because I was there for you. I held you as a friend as you cried on my shoulder about how you wanted what I gave you back, and felt guilty with a girl who could never replace what we had. 

I brought you to terms with the fact we are undeniable.  I made you realize what you wanted, and held it at just the distance you had to fall to get it, but you could have it if you reached. You flew to me. I've never been more overjoyed.

We became one, bound in pleasure, and strengthening with challenging thoughts. We learned from our past mistakes, and shut out the bad. We took all our best, and wrapped them in love and closeness without labels and pressure. We fell in love.

And now you kindle my heart with your touch. You light up my face with your mere sight. You make me glow as you challenge my beliefs. You make me fall in love, as everything I feel is mirrored just as passionately in your eyes. I love you. There is no better person to fall in love with. Our bumpy ride has trained us how to tie down loose ends. Our intimate friendship has taught us to navigate the other's needs to a point of perfection. 

No one understands our dynamic. Judging eyes hit merely the outside of the deep understandings we hold. I don't understand how things came to be, or why, but I know there is power in us. There is something sturdy and dependable. It is something to fight for, because, just like us it is exclusive and irreplacable. 

The End

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