Fear grips your mind, your eyes water, muscles tighten and convulse.. You try to act calm, after all, don't upset the children but, inside you are shaking, a sea of sickness takes you, rising up, you push it down, you tell yourself everything is going to be fine but, that little thought, that nagging little piddle at the back of your subconscious..
They are beginning to notice beads of sweat on your brow and they inquire.. "Are you ok?"
No you're not ok, you are tired, in pain, afraid.. watching them leave you say a weak good bye.. you stop it there, you don't finish, you try to stop the thought but, it pushes through..
Close to tears you feel it, you feel the absolute lonliness of having to be here alone, of knowing that you won't see those you love again.
The Dr. comes in, he's smiling.. why? You want to scream at him, "Can't you tell, don't you know, I'm going to die!" He says "count backwards from 100, 99, 98, 97..."
You close your eyes, saying a prayer to your God before succumbing to the deepest sleep next to death.
In an instant, you are awake, 96 sticks out in your memory, it takes a moment and you realize... you made it, you are alive! Your loved ones come in and your body is flooded with warmth and relief.. it takes two months to recover but, that is ok, you hug them every chance you get. You allow extra thoughts of I love you's all around.. Your eyes appreciate every flower, bird, mountain, blue sky, moon, sunrise, sunset.. every storm, every sunny day.. each day, no matter how it comes, as long as it comes.. An onslaught of sight, sound, taste, smell.. You want it all.. You learn to see things just for the way they are and it makes you understand, some things you can do nothing about, some things must be faced. It also brings about a certain peace Life is GOOD!
In 1999 I went into the hospital for emergency surgery, I had a bacteria in my throat which closed my trachea and caused all the surrounding soft tissue to swell. There were certain issues that caused my recovery to take a little longer than maybe another persons would have but, recover I did...