Hercules Creates The Lesbians.

I was helping mommy Eris back from the market place. Oh right--I need to introduce myself to you again. Seems that in your scurrying about, making Mom's job better, you have somehow managed to get your attention space to be short that watching your media gives me a headache.

I mean, camera on a single shot, for longer than thirty seconds please? The only movies got it right. The camera was in a single spot on the scene for the length of that scene. Because you took the effort to compose the scene to not require constant flipping back and forth to have you realise you are watching a low production set. I mean--damn. Most shows today could make a toy dog (you know, the one you use to accessorise your purse) go into fits of seizures at how many camera changes that are done.

So, in you lack of ability to slow the Tartarus down, and kill that guy who ticked you off in traffic, I will introduce myself.

I am Hysiminai Makhai., and I enjoy kicking posterior.

I was with Eris Discord doing some errands. You know, groceries, stir up trouble, get our toga washed, hang out with "Uncle Ares". Whom seemed to be very kind to me, and treats me like his kid. Though legally, none of Eris' children have fathers. Eris is just that "good" at the divorce proceedings. Personally I would not call that "good".. more "puzzling".

I was doing the Makhai thing--as Ares was nearby due to something that was me doing a Hysiminai type gig. It was Rome. It really did not take much to have large muscled men killing each other over something small. It was almost like feudal France. I mean--damn were those French good at killing people for just the sake of killing people. France initiated me for about 100 years. About eighty of those years nobody even knew why they were calling me--they just were having such a peachy time doing it.

I look over--and low and behold, there is the second biggest golden apple I have ever seen. I look over to try to read what it said. As this is how they work. The power they represent--and grant--and well draw energy from, is written on the side. It was not hard to see the letters. However, Eris tended to time travel, and took strange words for these things. This one said "Luchar".

At the time, I did not know Spanish, so I tugged my Mom's elbow. She was looking like she was heading into a snogfest with Ares. "WHAT?!", was her usual response when I interrupted that.

I point at the Luchar Golden Apple. Eris curses in a series of language that I do not think exist even yet.We head down there, to see a large muscled man hitting it with a sword. "Just what do you think you are doing?" Eris shouted.

Eris was somewhat perturbed. As this was obviously an idiot. Idiots are hard to cause discord and chaos for. It requires a small amount of intelligence to even do anything.

The man, posters, showing what appeared to be his pecks, "I am on a list of epic quests my Father sent me on."

Eris scowling a bit, "and--who is your father? And why does he want to destroy this planet? I kind of like the locals. They make amusing toys."

The man had a dead lion on him. I do not mean lion pelt. No, it looked like he killed a lion, and just had it on his head and back like clothing. I grab Mom's elbow again, "uh--I think that is Zeus' kid."

Eris does not remove her glaze from him, "Hys, you are going to need to be a bit more clear on that. This is Zeus here. No idea how he and Hera are still together. What Hera being the psychotic cow she is."

His name had escaped me at the time--to this day, I have no idea who this product of Zeus' many illegitimate coupling was.I have a bit of an idea--but he just is not that noteworthy as far as Greeks go.

Eris walks forward, "does not matter. He will be all, 'ooh! You should know me! I am Zeus' favourite! I am the one that tried to destroy strife by applying strife to it!'. Look--do you understand how stupid you are being here?"

Eris walks up to this large half ape and starts knocking on his head, "Hello?! McFly?! You in there?!"

I whisper to Eris, "you do realise that Kronos does not enjoy your frivolous uses of elements in his domain."

Eris leans back, closing her eyes--putting her hands behind her head, "pfft! Both me and Kronos know, that once these apes get ways to spread media, and they start writing stories about atypical time travel, time will enter into my domain."

The large man seems to have managed to get a brief grasp of what he did. It took a while, but beating the metaphorical concept of Strife with a sword, does nothing to defeat it. He ends up slinking away.

Eris straightens up, opening her eyes, "hey! I am not finished berating you, and condescending on you, as another case for Hera to kill stuff again."

We both look at the apple. "You know--we cannot leave this thing here, the hairless apes will probably start beating it up."

Eris walks over, starting to roll it, "we roll it into that large pond over their."

It was fairly easy to get some speed on this. There was a mountain range that gave us issues. The apple got all rattled and weird in the mess--really disfigured. Once we got to the see bed, I gave a final push with the bottom of my sandal and Eris shouted out, "ROYAL RAINBOW! DOE!"

"Mom--stop it. That is not cool--and quite frankly it confuses me and the rest of your kids greatly."

I jump into the air, to get a good view of the new island. The lines that made up the borders of the world were all nice. Though, the names were written in messy. It seems that the Luchar had managed to get rumbled in the transfer to say, "Lesbos."

I jump down to tell my Mom this. "We are going there."


Mom said, "I just invented stilletto heals for this specific event. I want to watch the creation of sensible shoes. Along with flannel, comfortable pants, u-haul trucks, Birkenstocks and an awesome hair style known as the mullet."

And so, we went to Lesbos, got Mullets, and dressed like what Mom kept referring to, "Lileth Fair attendees."

I am just a bit ashamed that this creation story was not devoid of Zeus or his family members. Do all creation stories need one of those douches in them?

The End

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