Erisian Parables

Various amusing anecdotes about Eris, the Goddess Herself and various other ridiculous Hodge Podge and insanity that you cannot get enough of. This is not Sparta--we are well into the territory of Madness here.


Well, seeing as how some people get very interested in Eris' dating situation, I figure, who better to tell you this than myself, Hysimnia and Mahkai?

Well, as you may all be aware, Eris has long since broken up with "bob". Eris knew him back when he was still Bob--and trying to make his lucky break as a salesman. You are all aware of how that turned out. Eris did end up dating Ron L. Hubbard for a few years, to get "bob" jealous, as Ron use to drink with Bob. This resulted in Ron becoming "ron".

I do not think the jokes about Eris' "sweet ambrosia" will ever end. I still hear them quite often because of this. I mean--two good drinking friends she dated in such close approximation getting deity status?

Oh, and the horrible lies she put into Ron's head about Xenu during the whole ordeal. She was very pissed off at having broken up with "bob". I mean, Xenu is typically a pacifist more than anything else. Generally all about the idea of live and let live. I mean, under Xenu, the four galaxies under his rule lived a great (but horridly dull and boring) peaceful age of enlightenment.

So, it is kind of understandable about all the stuff she told to "ron" while she was seeing him to try to get back at "bob" and that hussy from Nimitron-delux VI... and her sister from Deltron Persius-III. I mean, Eris was still rather annoyed at "bob"'s constant pushing sugar pills for natural male enhancement. She knew fully well, that those pills do not really work, and that "bob" was naturally that "enhanced".

So, Eris and "bob" end up creating the first kid that Eris has had to pay child support on. Kind of souring Eris more than a little. But then, he was dating the greatest salesman of all time.

Just to make things worse the child of Eris and "bob" ends up being the leader of the Illuminatii. This has not occurred yet, but the Illuminatii have time traveling devices, so he is already acting as such.

So, Eris has been without a lover for some time. It really does not help that most of the male Gods tend to think they are the greatest gift to women. I mean, this only leaves Eris mostly with some of the more Bisexual and Lesbian Goddesses.

Then, she met the love of her life. She was wandering around the Southern Pacific. Checking out some of the tropical fruit. She was kind of looking for a change-maybe eating something other than apples may help this out. She gets onto one rather interesting island.

Ho hum--there are quite a few islands in the area like this. Decorated with odd statues depicting obscenities to all of creation. A few obelisks of horrible terror unimaginable to the minds of mortal men. Nothing that Eris has never seen before. She gets to one island. She sees a tree. The fruit on it is all horrid and shriveled. The flowers creating the fruit are beautiful.

Eris tried to focus on them to try to figure out their patterns. However, as she tried to follow the flower, the part she stopped looking at had changed its shape into something else. The flower's colours were a lovely hue of a colour outside of space. She picked one of these dreadful abominations of scented fruit bearing flowerings, and put one into her head that was still in full bloom.

She felt a queasy dread as she walked around the island. She was unaware that this island had contained native villagers. She had walked into one of their villages while they danced a obscenely beautiful dance around an queerly coloured bonfire. The night seemed to part at the flames. It seemed that if the night could extinguish the horrid fire, smothering it to never return to this plane, she would

The villagers ate oddly mishapen creatures cooked in rather esoterically and estrangely prepared ways. Why--if science had seen this island, they would never have returned. Stricken it from the records.

Eris walked around the village. Its lopsided huts of odd architectural designs seemed to appease to Eris' senses quite a bit. She walked into a few--as they were all unlocked and unguarded. Eris entered them to find all sorts of items that showed why nobody would want to enter into these horrible huts. These huts that seemed to contain artifacts that were complete and total mockeries of all that we know as sane.

Eris loved it here.

Eris walked out, and joined in on the dance. Eris, having figured out what language the islanders spoke--being none other than the damned language of Espaniol, asked whom the guest of honour at this party was.

The villages stopped dancing. And all fell to the ground. They did not twitch. They did not move. The air filled with a chilly breeze. The mist filling the unnervingly still night air was at first a sickly green. Then an unnatural purple. Eris heard a stomping in the distance. It grew louder and closer with each step. As the thundering foot steps drew closer the mist became more and more red. The irony taste of blood filed the air. Like the mist itself was not so much water but blood.

Eris, her back to the fire, now a bright green flame, looked out to where the thumping was echoing from.

Eris then felt a tentacle arm wrap around her mouth from behind. She wanted to scream. As she had finally met a new truer horror. Several more tentacles wrapped around her and pulled her into the green fire. She felt hot burning pain all over her. She was still alive but her flesh was being burned from her body.

She woke up, to find herself in another world. Her flesh seemed complete unscathed by the mind twisting horrors that the fire had done to it while bringing her here. This world was the sort of world that took people's sanity and played it like a twisted xylophone of some horrid eulogy.

Eris turned, and there, crouched over the mangled body of what she could only describe as possibly once human, was him. The man she had been waiting for.

She walked over. His eyes were two rows of sickly yellow and crimson red horrors. Which she gazed deeply and lovingly into. Over his mouth, that was consuming the brain of the gibbering mass in front of him were small feelers. Which were used to pull the sanity into his gullet.

His skin was an ichtor green. Covered with darker splotches of a colour Eris could not begin to describe. From his back spread two large leathery wings. The material on the wings seemed to move and sway and dance in a very horrifying fashion. The horror of his wings was so great, that much like a horrible catastrophe destroying the lives of many people, she could not lay her eyes off of it for what seemed to be ages.

She follows his slime dripping shoulder down his arm--which split into several tentacled feelers. There was no ring on his left ring tentacled feeler. Eris gasped in joy. This seemed to catch the large creature's attention. He stood upright on his legs. Which seemed to bend and curve in so many odd ways, that they defied many of the common laws of biology.

Eris could feel her own legs--particularly her knees--start to get weak. She felt like she had butterflies in her stomach. She had never felt better, or more in love in her life.

It opened her mouth. The words it spoke--they seemed to follow no semblance of any form of human speak. It sounded more like the mad gibberings of lunatics as they scream and hide from the pale light of the full moon. The connections of the sounds, tones and letters was a out of tune, musical construction mixtures of noises that could not have any pattern to them that any mind could create. It sounded deep--with a few high pitch shrills in amongst the unworldly noises that were emitted. A few of the huddled masses howled out in pain, hatred and anger as this wonderful monstrous being spoke.

"So, what do I call you, handsome?" Eris let out.

On that night, screams of terror--and more importantly passion, could be heard from the home of the keeper of the Elder Things that live in worlds outside out compression.

Eris finally has fallen in love again. With the god just perfect for her, C'thulhu.

Eris has started taking to writing Διαφωτισμός onto her golden apples.

Though I keep telling mom to stop spitting these golden apple seeds from the Διαφωτισμός golden apples into various time holes. Who knows what kind of horrible disasters this sort of stuff could cause.

I mean--what would happen if somebody in the past planted one of these seeds in a garden? What crap could that cause?

The End

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