Eric woke up, brushed his teeth. Showered, shaved, shit. Not necessarily in that order. It was a regular day, and Eric was following his scheduled regular day things to do. He had also just recently broken up with his girlfriend so he was going to have to take a few minutes to think about her. Then he threw on some jeans and a t-shirt sporting the fact that Gin was the most effective liquid panty remover since 1966 and opened the door letting the sunshine into his bleak apartment.
Eric was an ordinary guy, there was nothing special that Eric could do, no special talents like singing or dancing or whatever people did these days. He tried skateboarding once but he failed miserably with a cut chin and a few bruises. He tried to paint but it just ended up being a bunch of brown mess together. Eric even tried to write but he couldn’t get past the word Chapter One.
No Eric wasn’t very talented but Eric had one thing going for him. He had no goals in life whatsoever. Eric felt that with no goals there was no expectations and therefore no let downs. In this sense maybe Eric was right but then again with no goals you don’t really go anywhere either and it was quite clear Eric was going nowhere.
“Eric man what’s the word for tonight brotha!”
Matheson, Eric’s ‘acquaintance’. He once told Eric that he would never fuck a girl over 18 because there was too much sag to their tits. Matheson was the biggest party freak on the face of the planet. If there was a party Matheson was already there. Like Eric Matheson really had no drive in life whatsoever. With the exception of getting laid by barely legal girls. Maybe that is why Eric could stand Matheson for more than five minutes. He didn’t ever go on and on about how he was going to make something of himself, he just tried to mack on every girl that had two feet, a heartbeat and no license.
“Yo man there were these two freaky chicks last night and you know they had the whole catholic thing going on,” Eric did however find it hard to pay attention to Matheson for more than five minutes, “anyways it was totally crazy with all that whipped cream and shit. So you goin’ Carson’s big thing tonight or what man?”
Jason Carson. The only person with two names that sounded exactly the same, his parents must have hated him. Jason Carson was not only the most annoying person on earth he also hated Eric with a passion, but since Eric usually brought the party with him wherever he went JC (he liked to be called JC, Eric just though it made him sound like even more of an asshole) would put on a fake about how he was such good friends with Eric. Eric only went to his parties because JC’s parents were so rich that he would always buy kegs for the parties and free booze was a given.
“Yeah I probably should go huh, seeing as Danielle broke up with me and all maybe I should find some new land to farm,” Eric said not really caring.
“Alright man well I’m gonna hit up some of the peeps there and tell them your headed over tonight. If you go they’re bound to man.” And with that Matheson was strutting his ‘stuff’ down the street in his wigger get-up, looking like the biggest jack ass but no one would ever tell him.
Eric cringed and kept walking determined to get some chocolate milk into his body before he got started on his rounds. As he rounded to corner towards the stop n’ save he saw something odd. There was an old Caddy convertible parked outside the store. It was old style pimped out in leopard skin interior and pink fuzzy lining. The paint job on the car looked like something Eric’s mother would call egg-shell white. Eric stared at the car for a moment wondering who the hell would drive such a monster. His answer came very quickly as the door to the stop n’ save opened and Doc Wilson came walking out.
Eric always thought that Doc Wilson should have his own walking porn music surrounding him because he was constantly dressed like a pimp, from the large white feathered hat and white loafers, down to the manicured little finger nail and baby powdered hands. But the man was well into his late sixties and badly looked it. He was balding and had a large liver spot on the centre of his balding head. His skin also looked like it had been put on a body two sizes to small for it. No one knew why he was called Doc, Eric just knew him as Doc Wilson the first time he met the guy and the name stuck.
The Doc was sporting a large back of old man necessities such as cigars, chewing tobacco, and a large assortment of hard candies, including scotch mints and those green ones that tasted like butterscotch crap. Eric just knew that somewhere in his house was an array of candy bowls with candy so stuck to each other that if you picked one up you’d get the whole pile.
“Well mornin’ Eric. What’s happenin’ baby,” Doc Wilson didn’t only look like a pimp but he attempted to talk like one too. “Why such a sad look on your face my man, what can Doc Wilson do to turn that frown upside down.”
Eric cringed again.
“Oh I just woke up on the wrong side of the sheets Doc.” Eric passed off on the Doc.
Doc Wilson pushed his rounded sun shades down his nose a few inches and looked over the rims with a knowing look.
“Is it that or did you just not wake up with a bustin babe this morning?” The question was a little too personal for Eric’s comfort level with Doc Wilson but he answered it anyways.
“Well Doc I just broke up with my girlfriend so I’ve sort of been getting over it I guess,” Eric rolled his eyes but the Doc missed it.
“Well son if you ever need a prescription for lovin’ you come to the Doc, I’ll hook you up with one of my hoes.”
Doc Wilson’s ‘hoes’ were his 18 and 19 year old grand daughters who were not actually his hoes but for some reason Doc Wilson always referred to them that way. In any case they were ugly as sin and the only way they would have ever gotten a piece was by being pimped out.
Eric just half smiled and starting walking past.
“Thanks Doc I’ll remember that,” he said making his way towards the door of the shop n’ save.
“No problem baby, the Doc is always ready to fulfill for a reasonable price.” He walked around to the car door and delicately opened it and closed it as he got in. Eric wasn’t surprised as he heard old seventies porn music playing as the car roared to life with the radio.