Entry 1.Mature

The Story Of My Life.

Sitting here tonight i'm wondering what am i meant to do ? I do everything i possibly can for him, yet all he does is put me down as soon as i do the littlest thing wrong. How am i meant to prove myself to this cruel world that is so called adult... all i see is the school sluts just a little more developed yet covered in fake, the guys we thought were hot loosing themselves in guilt ridden lies and the geeks I once thought were loosers looking better than ever. I only realized one thing about life when i left home, we always think our parents are there to embarrass and annoy us, we argue and fight with them tell them how much we hate them when we don't and now i have left home i miss my mum, i miss sitting with her at night and watching nonsense on the television and sometimes it makes me sad to thing about it all, if you can understand?

A long time ago, well 3 years to be more precise i fell in love with a guy, wow he was lovely then it all turned into the love story from hell, he tore me apart, played sick games with my head did things with so called friends, and then has the cheek to turn around to me tell me he loves me when i am in a relationship, tells me he envies the person i am with, told me he will be the person to put a ring on my finger again and saying how immature he was and how the mistakes he made were wrong. I had an argument new years with my partner, it wasn't too good, he turned up at my mums and wanted to kill my partner, he told my mum he loved me still and would do anything to make sure i was okay, he sat with me until 6:AM in the morning 1st January 2011 just holding me stopping me from crying. 

What do would you do if you loved to guys who hated each other, one you're best friend and you're ex partner, the passion feels gone, one is like and angel on my shoulder safe, and simple, the other a demon on my shoulder dangerous, dark, suspicious. But i want safe and simple, do i trust the demon with his words after the lies and deceit in the previous years? or shall i stay safe, settle down and put up with the awkward moments, the arguments that can happen and try to re-kindle the flame? 

Is it strange to want to settle down at 19 and want a family ? Is it a mature enough to want to have a child and be with somebody for the rest of you're life, or am i just blinded with rose tinted glasses....

The End

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