Cue: Total Confusion
I got two rather confusing txt messages that Friday evening. One from Saul that read, “$#*! She’s Back Bro”, and one from Emmy that read, “I need to talk to you”.
I txted Emmy first: What’s up?
EmLa’Beau69: I need to talk to someone
Wi77iam: What’s wrong?
EmLa’Beau69: I don’t know why, but I saw your name in my phone, and I thought you’d understand
Wi77iam: What happened?”
EmLa’Beau69: I kinda…broke up with D’Artagnan
Sintastic91: Dude did you get my txt?
EmLa’Beau69: He came to pick me up at the park, and I dumped him…
Wi77iam: Wait, who’s back?
Wi77iam: Oh $#*!
EmLa’Beau69: Exactly! Now I feel like $#*!
Wi77iam: No, wait, I mean
Sintastic91: What am I going to tell her?
Wi77iam: You gotta tell her that you’re with Courtnee now
Sintastic91: But, I can’t…Eve is so…so…rawr
EmLa’Beau69: Did u die?
Wi77iam: No, I just don’t know what to say
EmLa’Beau69: Tell me I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life
Wi77iam: Of course you didn’t
Sintastic91: Didn’t what?
God I have to get a new phone. Piece of junk.
Wi77iam (to both): I’ll talk to you later, my phone sucks
EmLa’Beau69: Ok, call me around 11, my dad’s usually asleep by then
What a day.
The Best Friend:
I’d all but forgotten Eve. Not gonna lie, occasionally Eve popped in for a quick cameo in my dreams, but so do a lot of girls I’ve had sex with. Courtnee rarely shows up in my dreams, but I guess that’s because we spend like every waking moment together. Or, at least we did before that big fight.
I’m no idiot. I knew what she was mad about, but I can’t just say those three words to anyone. Hell, look at what it did to Eve. She left the country after I said I loved her.
Actually, now that I think about it, she didn’t say she didn’t love me…
No. No. Bad Saul. Bad Saul. You’re with Courtnee now. And you love her…well, you like her…well, you want to see her naked. That’s love, right?
Will wasn’t any help. Sure, his stupid phone was acting up, but it was like he wasn’t even paying attention to my problem. I guess I’ll have to figure this out on my own. That’s ok. I’ve handled worse situations before. Like that time KC thought she was pregnant, now that was scary. God I need a smoke. Maybe I should see if the gym’s still open.
Since Courtnee and I were fighting, does that mean I can see Eve again? I mean, it’s not cheating if we don’t do anything, right?
Yeah, right. Like we wouldn’t do anything.
Ok, so maybe if I broke up with her first…no, I can’t break up with Courtnee. She’s just, just, just, Courtnee. I don’t know any other way to describe her. There’s something about her. The way she smiles at me, the way the tilts her head as she laughs, the way she looks at me like I’m her world. I’ve had girls who’ve been into me before, but I’ve never felt the same about them.
I still fantasize about that night in the park.
And that time in the car.
Courtnee and I have barely made it to second base after almost a month of dating. I’ve never gone that slow with a girl before. It’s killing me. I mean, her boobs are amazing! So perky and symmetrical…
I picked up my phone and before I could stop myself I txted her.
Eve_rlasting<3: I was just thinkin of u
Sintastic91: Oh, yeah?
Eve_rlasting<3: Did u forget bout lil ole me? ;)
Sintastic91: I thought you were in Paris
Eve_rlasting<3: Daddy got promoted. Did u forget about…us?
Sintastic91: No…did you forget about me?
Eve_rlasting<3: Never J
Is it bad that that txt gave me shivers?
Sintastic91: What r u up to?
Eve_rlasting<3: Just lying in bed, remembering you and me
Eve_rlasting<3: Remember the park? And your car?
Is it getting hot in here?
Eve_rlasting<3: Every time I think about it, I get so…wet
Good lord in heaven.
Sintastic91: Eve, there’s something I have to tell you
Eve_rlasting<3: You didn’t go off and find yourself a new lover, did you?
Eve_rlasting<3: Wow. Wow Saul. Really? I thought you loved me
Sintastic91: You went to Paris!
Eve_rlasting<3: She must be great in the sack
Sintastic91: …actually…she’s a virgin…
Eve_rlasting<3: Still? Wow, you must be off your game. Are you saying you’d rather dry hump her than come back to me and my talented body?
Eve_rlasting<3: My pussy misses you Saul
Eve_rlasting<3: I need to feel you, inside of me again
Eve_rlasting<3: Well, I’ll let you get back to your new girl. I don’t think I can txt and play with myself at the same time. Bye…my love
Goddammit Goddammit Goddammit. I gotta change my boxers.
What the hell am I thinking? It’s been like six hours since I dumped D’Artagnan and already I can’t stop thinking about screwing him. I need to stick to my decision. Not like the last four times.
Is it 11 yet? When is that kid gonna call…
Anyways, I need to calm down. I just took a wicked long shower and fingered myself until I couldn’t stand up anymore, but my hormones are still raging. I haven’t gone this long without real sex in months.
It’s 10:56. Why hasn’t he called yet?
You know, I don’t think I ever talked to that kid before today. What was his name? Oh, Will. Yeah, I mean I’ve seen him at a few of Courtnee’s parties, but that’s about it. Even then he always looked so sketchy, just standing in a corner with a drink watching all of us having fun.
10:57. Come on…come one…come on…
There was that big party a few weeks back, when we…kissed. I thought D’Artagnan was gonna kill him, but it’s just a game. I’ve played that game a million times. It’s just a little fun. Besides, Will wasn’t the one I had sex with that night in Courtnee’s mom’s room.
It’s 10:59. Where is he?
A kiss is just a kiss, right? I’ve kissed a million guys before, and none of them were anything special. Especially playing ‘Spin the Bottle’. So why can’t I forget that one…
11:00, 11:00, 11:01. The phone started ringing and I picked it up after the first ring.
He stammered out a “Hello-“ but I cut him off
“So I can’t stop thinking about D’Artagnan”
“Was I wrong?”
“He can’t just keep treating me like this and expect me to take it!”
“I’ve come crawling back to him on my knees so many times”
“This time it’s his turn! He’s gonna have to beg me to take him back”
“You know what I like about you Will? You’re such a great listener”
“D’Artagnan never listened. Hell, he never gave me time to speak! Course, that was because we were too busy having sex all the time.”
“You know what? Maybe that was the problem”
“It was an entirely sex based relationship! There was no real connection.”
“I’m so tired of guys who are only in it for the sex. I mean, sure, D’Artagnan was a stallion in bed, I mean, I’ve never cum that hard before.”
“But there has to be more to love than great sex, right?”
“You know what? The next guy I date, is going to be because he loves me, and I love him.”
“But I’m so horny right now that I’d f#@& the next guy I saw”
“You still there?”
(footsteps running, a door closing)
“Well, thanks for listening. You’re always such a help. I wonder why we never talked before? Anyways, goodnight Will.”
As I hung up, I couldn’t help but remember our kiss. Maybe there was something there…nah…
-The (Ex) Boyfriend:
After I beat the hell out of a few freshman just because, I went to a convenience store to get a slushy. Something about seeing helpless bruised and bloody bodies making me crave a slushy. I don’t know why.
Anyways, as I got back home with my cherry raspberry slushy swirl, I got a txt from Emmy’s friend Courtnee. That was odd. She never talks to me. I always thought she didn’t like me.
C0urtn33: I heard you and Emmy broke up. Can we talk?
Biker4Lif3: Sure. I thought you were with that Saul kid
C0urtn33: We’ve been fighting. So, have you been working out lately?
Biker4Lif3: You’ve noticed?
C0urtn33: Yeah, you’ve been looking more, muscular
Biker4Lif3: Is that so
C0urtn33: What are you doing tonight?
Biker4Lif3: Nothing, yet
C0urtn33: Mind if I come over? I don’t want to be alone tonight
I had no idea what brought this up, but I liked where this was going.
C0urtn33: I’m already outside
Before I could answer, there was a knock at my door. I opened it and Courtnee jumped me. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her lips against mine, probing my mouth with her tongue. I certainly didn’t object, and I used one hand to shut the door behind her.
I grabbed her shapely but surprising firm butt and pushed her back against the wall. Her skirt offered very little resistance as I slid my hand under and cupped her bare flesh. She wasn’t even wearing any underwear.
This was going to be a fun night.
I picked her up by her naked butt and carried her to the couch. Her hands undid my belt as mine reached under her shirt to squeeze what I’d been dying to squeeze ever since I met her. I was not let down. Her boobs were better than Emmy’s.
When she got to my stiffening member, she stopped suddenly.
“What,” I said as I laughed, “Never seen one that big?”
“No” she softly said, “D’Artagnan…I’ve changed my mind.”
“What, you don’t want to have sex? Your body says differently,” I said as I stuck my finger inside of her wetness.
Courtnee squealed as she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of her, “Yes! I’ve changed my mind! I can’t have sex with you!”
Something in my mind flashed red and I slapped her across the face. Courtnee grabbed her cheek and started to scream before I clapped my hand over her mouth.
“No one says no to Me. Certainly not when she’s ready and willing and all wet for me.”
I slid off my pants as she struggled in vain against my hand. By now I was so hard that her eyes literally bulged when she saw it. When I began to push myself in she screamed so loud I thought she would shatter the windows.
Suddenly, I ran into a barrier.
Was Courtnee still…
No. No way. No way Courtnee was still a virgin…
I can’t take her virginity.
I moved off of her and she ran out the door. I didn’t do anything to stop her. What was I thinking?
I moved off of her and she ran out the door. I didn’t do anything to stop her.
What was I thinking?