Electronic Survelliance Cactus

The Electronic Surveillance Cactus (ESC) is one of the Corporation’s most popular end of summer items. We recommend ordering early to ensure that this piece of equipment is not out of stock when you require it.

The ESC (Electronic Surveillance Cactus, not to be confused with the Electronic Surveillance Corporation) comes in three sizes - nightstand, table and floor. Each version is resistant to over-watering, under-watering, stale pizza, alcohol, alcohol-based vomit, over-exposure to sunlight, under-exposure to sunlight, and being used as a coat rack.

“This item is harder to destroy than a three month old bread loaf!” - just one of many glowing customer reviews.

The ESC comes with audio and visual recording standard. For a small extra fee this item can also be equipped with our patented voice recognition software. With this feature installed whenever a female voice is detected within twenty feet of its location an alarm signal will be sent to a predetermined location.

The Deluxe Edition of the ESC (ESCDE) ships with the above features as well as our Motion Detection Blood Sampler (MDBS) software installed. The MDBS is located in each of the cactus’ spines - whenever it senses movement within one inch of any of its sensors it will twitch just enough to make contact. The blood drawn from this contact is drained into test tubes and stored safely in the temperature controlled interior of the unit until collection can be achieved.

These samples can be sent free of charge to the ESC (Electronic Surveillance Corporation, not to be confused with the Electronic Surveillance Cactus) Labs for full blood work. Any results which indicate the presence of cold, flu, any of the two thousand bacteria we have on file, or sexually transmitted diseases will be reported to a predetermined location within twenty-four hours.

This item is an ideal gift from mothers to sons who are going away to school for the first time, are moving into their own place, or who are overly protective of the privacy of their bedroom.

Our customer service agents are happy to walk you through the five step process of calibrating predetermined locations - so call today!

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