That was depressing indeed. Now for my humorous version...

Hi, child of Earth.

The Shuggoths dearly missed you.

They know how to fetch.


Leng is home to doom

And bad things that sing show tunes

Malignant theater.


Eldritch therapy

Some beasts need psychologists

To ask them how they feel.


Cthulu still sleeps

Perhaps he’ll dream forever

The huge lazy slob.


The Deep ones rise soon

Everyone likes tuna fish

Served up on a plate.


Tentacles scare me

They erupt from the commode

Someone help me, please.


Yog-sothoth can’t sing

If he does, ears shall explode

Oh God, he knows this.


Are you sad, angst-filled?

The antidepressants fail

Cthulu can help.


Sentient kitties!

Anything is ours in dreams

Yet we aren’t masters.


Don’t fear the night gaunts

It’s not like they will gut you.

Forget dignity.


Dark cultists now know

The holy Kool-aid is good

Bellyaches are not.


Human sacrifice

Not as fun without ice cream

And cool paper hats.



That name is hard to pronounce.

Lets call him Ted!



We feel uneasy

About rodents behind plaster

Pest control won’t help.


Massive eyeless worms

Who the hell thought up these things?

Someone needs their meds.


When dark beasties come

Try to flash your biggest smile

Amuse the strange Gods.


Maybe they’ll spare you

Who knows with them, anyway?

Those geeks from the Void.


If you’re not yet mad

Come join us in loathsome fun

We’ll make memories.







The End

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