Sick and tired, and tired of being sick?

A pen to the jugular should do the trick.

Making a living is no easy feat.

Staple your lips so you cannot eat.

But before you do that, just to be sure,

Drink some white-out, and your death is secure.

If that doesn't work, stand on your chair.

Have a co-worker push you down the stairs.

Grab a paper clip in each hand.

Stick them in a wall socket, and the results will be grand.

See that family picture on the wall?

Knock it off and let it fall.

Grab some broken glass from the floor.

Now slit your wrists.  Death is in store.

Envelope openers tend to work best.

Take one of those, and bury it into your chest.

If at this point you're still alive,

It might be time to take a dive.

Head to the roof, and just so you know

The cure for life lies twenty stories below.

Jackknife, belly flop, it doesn't matter.

When your head hits the pavement, it's sure to splatter.

And when they come to mop you off the street,

You'll know for sure your death is complete.

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Click to View Author Guidance

Wow. Author guidance... cool. Basically, no rules to this, just various and interesting ways to bite the big one.

Possible ideas for chapters might include "suicidal ways to die", Ways to die on a city street", Ways to be killed by animals"...

updated Jul 1, 2008 by redhat