This pretty much is just a branch off from the last write up there. Just explaining why Ben seemed so upset at the hospital after Kyra was born. Hopefully it helps make more sense.
At Ben's house, the night after Melody had Kyra.
My head was dropped back again the door frame of my bedroom. I couldn't walk in, the guilt had weighed my feet to the floor, so I just stood there, eyes closed listening to the rain outside. Leyla's scent still lingered in my room from a few weeks ago, it just made it harder to move away from the door.
"What's wrong with you?" Clara asked. Her voice seemed close, like she was standing beside me, but I didn't want to open my eyes.
"Melody had her baby, a baby girl." I muttered just barely making the sound come out of my mouth.
"Well that's good isn't it? I'll have to get her a present. But this is good, I mean Leyla will start coming over more again right?"
I nodded meakily. "Yeah she will be over more."
"Then what's up? Leyla's fine, Melody's fine, Dylan's fine, their new baby girl is fine, yet you look like you've just seen a puppy get run over by a car."
I opened my eyes to look at my younger sister, her caramel colored hair with blond streaks, and huge black eyes looking at me.
"So not funny." I pushed myself off the wall, walked into my room, straight up to the large dark red bed, and sat down. Clara followed me in and sat down at my work desk in the right corner of my room. "I saw her with that baby, she was smiling, and beaming." I shook my head trying to get the image out of my head, my eyes on the floor.
"Melody? Well I think she would be beaming, being a new mother and all, I would too." Clara shrugged.
"No Leyla, she was beaming. She's like a natural mother figure, but what if she can't have her own?"
"That's what your worrying about?" Clara shook her head.
I nodded my jaw tightening. "She was born into what she is, she knows that, but she changed earlier then most, and when Anthony bit her, it could have added more venom into her blood stream making her more like us then human."
"So I'm not the only one that has noticed that Leyla seems to be really cheerful and just plain motherly around kids in general? Wow, I thought it was just me." Clara crossed the space of my room sitting beside me on the end of my bed and pulled my hand off my forehead, taking it in hers. "Ben, we don't know that's what happened, or if it even happened at all! Why do you really seem to care anyways? You've never really wanted kids before."
I rolled my eyes, truthfully I had no idea why I cared so much. If you asked me three years ago if I wanted kids I would have said no, but now, with Leyla being as motherly as she is, and how much I love her, I might now. I bit my lip, and shrugged my shoulders.
Clara gasped beside me, "You want to have a family? Since when?" she exclaimed.
"No, Clara I don't want to have a family." I hesitated. "Well, I don't think I do. I don't know how to explain this to you!"
"I think I get it, you care about Leyla so much that your worried that she might want kids that she can't have because of what she is. And you don't want to see her heart-broken over it, because I think you know that is the one thing that you will never be able to give her, if that is infact the case. You don't want to see something she is so natural at not to coming true for her, you just love her that much."
"I know, I do love her, and you practically summed everything up in a brief speech. I have no idea how you do it but it comes in handy." I smiled.
Clara grinned. "I know, I am just THAT amazing! Oh, and you do want kids, just with her." she grinned bigger, got up and left my room, closing the door soundlessly behind her.
While I was left wide-eyed staring out my huge wall of windows to my off room deck, shocked at the dawning realization. I had changed without even knowing it, I cared, worried about Leyla not being able to have children because of what she is, and how natural all the maternity instincts came to her. I wanted to be with Leyla, and I wanted her to have children of her own, but did I really want to be a father?
I am so going to have to talk to Dylan about this, since he is the closet thing I can find to a fatherly figure. I thought.
After sitting in the same place running circles in my mind, I gave up trying to figure it out, and just climbed under the covers, waiting for sleep to pile down on me. The whole night I just dreamt of Leyla, just Leyla chasing around a little child, laughing, giggling. In most cases this might be a wonderful dream. but for me it was just a nightmare, the night's sleep was not peaceful what-so-ever.
*When Kyra was brought home.Coming back after visiting with Melody and Dylan.*
Leyla and I walked in through my kitchen door holding hands, she was smiling away, going off about how adorable Kyra was, and how both Melody and Dylan have changed so much since she was born. Lately all she talks about it babies, which is not helping my decision or even figure anything out.
"I'm just going to take my stuff up to Clara's room." she said cheerfully, walking through to the living room.
As soon as she was out of sight I pulled out a light brown wooden kitchen chair and sat down, putting my face in my hands. The door opened a few mintues later, two sets of foot steps walking in, then stopping completely.
"Benjamin, son what's wrong?" said my worried adoptive mother Veronica taking a seat beside me.
"Is Leyla here?" Veronica whispered in an almost inaudible tone.
The door shut behind, someone, the click of high heels came towards me--Clara.
"Mom, can you go..umm, make sure Leyla doesn't come down for a few mintues please? I promise I will explain this to you later if Ben lets me."
Veronica grimaced, nodded and stood up. "Of course dear." She walked out of the kitchen.
Clara took her spot on the chair, staring me down.
"What's wrong now? Same thing as a few days ago?"
I nodded meakily. I can feel the huge grimace on my face. " I came down the stairs, and she and Melody were occupying Kyra. Leyla got to feed her, she looked so, so, natural."
"Benjamin Andrew, get over this!" she exclaimed, I looked up at her shocked that she used my middle name. "She is a woman, most women are quite natural at mothering. Leyla is no different, as for the 'she might not be able to have kids' thing, forget about it. Yes, I know hard to do especially for you but god, either it will or won't happen. And if it does then that's amazing and everyone will be happy for you. Now get up and go spend some time with your girlfriend, and stop worrying about babies." Clara got up huffily (btw I have no idea if that is even a word :P) and walked out the back door again.
I smiled, sometimes Clara is very intelligent. Getting up from the table I shoved aside my misplaced guilt and went upstairs to rescue Leyla from my mother. She was in my room, sitting on my bed, while my mother held a photo album in her hands, the cover was a dark blue with silver writing on the front. My baby album! I sped across the room, putting an arm around Leyla, she smiled as she looked at embarrasing pictures of me as a baby, however many years ago. My mother, looked over at me and smiled apologetically,
*Sorry hunny, this was the only thing I could get her to stay upstairs for as long as you needed.*
*Its okay mom.* I gave her a reassuring smile.