Wayne was on the couch grading essays, wondering why exactly he kept assigning them to his students. It was hardly a satisfying process for anyone, himself included.
There was a time when shredding through essays with his red pen was quite satisfying, but the School Board had to go and ruin that by outlawing red ink because it had the potential of damaging young minds and making students self-conscious. Or something ridiculous like that. The next thing you know they'll stop letting athletic girls play sports against boys because being outplayed by someone of the opposite sex might stunt their development.
Spare the rod, spoil the child, his parents always used to say. But, then again, they were kind of old-fashioned.
Later, he became obsessed with the Curve. At the beginning of each year, his friends would gather at his apartment and he would hand each of them a class roster and accept bets on which student would set the Curve most often. He always ended up taking in the most money because - little did they know - the grader actually sets the Curve.
Of course, he distributed the winnings by the Curve so everyone won something.
He was about to declare this week's winners when his roommate Lenny stormed into the room, excitedly.
Lenny was, well, the type of guy who frequently runs around high as a kite in purple underwear and generally does nothing other than brainstorm about new ways to make money. Wayne gave up trying to figure out how Lenny kept making rent years ago. At least he remembered to pay.
"Come here! Quick!" Lenny yelped, before advising, "But be very quiet."
Wayne followed Lenny into his bedroom and gave him the what is it this time? look.
"Listen... " Lenny whispered, somehow giggling silently. "The new neighbors. Can you hear them?"
Sure enough, the walls were so thin that Wayne heard sex for the first time. "Wait, are they doing it?" he asked, self-consciously, his face quickly taking on a shade of crimson.
"Shh," Lenny admonished. "They've been going at it for quite some time. She's a real screamer."
"I wonder if they hear us right now," Wayne said. "Maybe we should say something?"
"And risk missing out on the fun? Are you crazy!?" Lenny asked, still attempting a whisper. "Dude, I should start taping them and put it up on YouTube. You know, title it, 'How well do you know your neighbors?' I'd need your camera, maybe an external mike. And I'd just shoot the wall, pop it into iMovie and, boom, we're famous."
"So you need my camera, my Macbook and me to go out and purchase additional equipment? Great idea, Lenny," Wayne admonished. "Have you ever thought about privacy? "We really shouldn't do anything to disturb our neighbors. The walls are thin. Who knows what they overhear?"