Drunk Dialing 101

Did you catch the Steelers game? Wayne Tisdale attempted to whisper into his cell phone, hoping none of his neighbors would overhear. Unfortunately, the alcohol in his system made it sound more like, "DID Y' CATCH 'Da GAME!?"

It was well past midnight and his options were limited. Smoke inside his apartment and risk setting off the smoke alarm. Not a real crowd pleaser. Or he could smoke outsideAnd hopefully speak quietly enough to not disturb any neighbors despite his definite inability to speak quietly.

"What time is it?" The voice on the other end of the phone replied, groggily.

"Midnight, give or take a few hours since we're in different time zones."

"It's nearly 3 AM, man."

"Should I call back later?"

"Do I know you?"

"Of course you do, Jeff. It's Wayne."

"I think you have the wrong number."

"Are you trying to tell me you're not Jeff Gallagher?"

"Wrong number, pal."

"Jeff, I'm starting to wonder if you've become a fair-weather friend."

"I don't even know you. Please don't ever call again."

"Don't worry!" Wayne shouted. "I won't! Consider this friendship over!"

Wayne's nearest neighbor stepped outside and strutted around like he was Mick freaking Jagger.

Wayne instinctively lunged toward his door. Quickly produced his keys. Hoping to time it perfectly. And get away with a quick what's up? before jumping inside his apartment and vowing to never drunk-dial Jeff again.

The neighbor, large, shirtless and covered from head-to-toe in tattoos pulled his greasy hair into a ponytail.

"Can I ask you kind of a strange question?" he asked before Wayne could quite make it inside. "Do you hear us sometimes, through the walls? Me and my girlfriend?"

"Yeah, no," Wayne answered. "Sometimes. Not at all. Wait, what'd you just say? My hearing's not too good. Yeah, I was just about to go inside."

"Funny thing," his neighbor answered. "We hear you a lot. Especially, when we're trying to sleep. Like, say, right now. Do you think you could keep it down, a little bit."

"Geez, you're worse than Jeff," Wayne said before slamming his apartment door.

The End

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