Wanting to be in your dreams more than reality is such a said thing.
The feeling of his fingers intertwined with mine is slowly fading away. Everything was fading to black. A vague gleam of light appears and it grows stronger as the seconds tick away. I know what's happening. No. I think to myself. Not yet.
But the mere fact that I could object to this clearly proves that it has happened. I'm slowly waking up. I try my best to remember, the happiness I felt before reality caught up with me. I want to remember it forever before it fully woke me up and shot me with the harshness of it's presence.
I twist and turn, so that I could just slip away happily in my temporary unconscious state. I try to cover my eyes with my hand to fool myself. It's not yet morning. I tried to think.
Then everything that happened last night came flooding back in my mind. I tried to fight it off. But now I realize that the more I fight it off the more I prove that I'm just clinging to a dream; it didn't really happen.
A tear slips down from my eye as I gave in to the light. My eyes adjust to my surroundings. It hurt a little bit, because my eyes were still puffy from all of the crying I did last night.
I sit up and let the thoughts engulf me again. As I recall everything yesterday, each moment was like a tiny stab in my heart.
The way our fingers touched and how we looked at each other. How we had a secret song and a secret unspoken agreement not to tell anyone. Last moments. Moments we might never have again. Or we might never have in the same way ever again.
I hate that word. Last. It leaves a bile taste in my mouth.
but then I remembered myself, saying these words of reassurance.
"We should just let our resentments and sadness go all at once. We should not waste time by crying over spilled milk. We should make more moments like these as much as we can and do whatever we can to be happy. We should not let time pass us by without cherishing every minute of it, it already happened twice, we shouldn't be doing it again,"
So I stood up, pushing away the harsh reality and doing the best I can to go on.