The first thing I saw that morning was the clock, it read 2:45. I got up wondering why on earth I was back NYSEC and not with Clara and Elizabeth. Then it hit me, it was shocking to say the least. Clara was dead, murdered apparently all that power she possessed was no good. I did feel awful, and her crumpled body replayed in my head on a loop. The pale faced ghost, the screaming, the blood. Although I saw ghost's I had only seen two corpses in my life, my mothers and Clara's but the effect was the same. It felt unnatural and awful. I had known Clara a week but from the first moment I had layed eyes on her I noticed how vibrant she was, she radiated life. To see that cut short. To die alone in an alley, most likely drunk? I pitied her, but I pitied Elizabeth and Elliot more. They where the ones who had to get up and face it every day. I knew how the guilt felt. I knew more than anyone how it felt. I wasn't responsible for my mother's death, it was cancer nothing I cold have done. Yet I felt guilty, like I had caused it for years. It was with the help of James and Leisel that I got over it.
that was a lie and you know it.
that was a hallucination. That wasn't real. That wasn't real. That wasn't real.
you know it is
I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown already, but apparently my mind had to bring up the things that I did not want to revist. I couldn't pretend it was a mental illness anymore, the illusions of a small child. My stomach dropped, as the flashbacks came with clarity.