Though not given a reason or even a good excuse, I have never failed to feel drained. I know that it is not that I have no one to talk to but on the other hand it is. I am not lacking in friends and family but at the same time I never fail to think do they really know me? Do they see the despair in my eyes, the constant lack of feeling there ever time I smile or laugh? I guess they don't notice. Either that or I put on a better face than I think. Sometimes I wonder if someone looked deep enough could they see it? Could they see what I've tried hard to hide? Sometimes I just feel like I'm being followed by a black hole, constantly draining me of all emotion. Then there are the dark days..... the days when those thoughts won't leave my mind. The thought of the crimson fluid seeping out onto the floor, dripping off the end of the shining silver blade that sits in the kitchen. The thought of clasping onto a chunk of skin and just tearing and tearing until the pain is gone until I can feel some sort of emotion that doesn't feel faked or that hasn't been torn from the depths of my soul to ease the thought of those around me. Sometimes I think it would just be easier if someone could look into my eyes and figure all this out, to tell me that I'm being stupid which I know I am. Other times I just want to be absorbed by the darkness that festers inside of me, just so I didn't have to feel drained.