A Man or a Woman?Mature

DAMN YOU WOLFS!! I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER!!" I yelled. Hmph. These wolves have just gone on my bad side and they'll regret it. " I'll get you wolves someday," I muttered as I went deeper into the forest.

As I went into the forest I heard sounds of wolf howling.  As they howled I joined them "Aooooo!!" I howled.  As I howled with them they all stopped howling one by one.  Don't get me wrong I'm not a werewolf or something and definitely NOT a bad howler.  I prefer to call myself a challenged howler.  Tch.  I stopped howling and then the wolfs continued they're howling.  "DAMN YOU WOLFS!!  I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER!!" I yelled.  Hmph.  These wolves have just gone on my bad side and they'll regret it.  " I'll get you wolves someday," I muttered as I went deeper into the forest.  

As I went in deeper I saw something blue up ahead.  I thought it was some kind of a dog/human girl.  Not that there was anything wrong with that.  As I went in closer I saw what it really was and was truly shocked and terrified.  "O.M.G. Could it be? No way but it sure does look like it," I said talking to myself.  There right in front of me was... "A man dressed as Alice from 'Alice in Wonderland' " I blurted out.  In normal circumstances I would laugh my ass out rolling on the ground but this was truly disgusting.  The man was wearing a frilly white and blue buttoned up dress with blue crocs?  Wow.  How come I've never thought of doing that? Damn you Man Alice for coming up with that first.  Also the fact that the dress was too small and was ripping from the sides was horrid.  Coincidentally he was wearing a pair of fake over sized boobs and I know this because he's a man how can he have boobs?  Gripping my pepper spray in my hand which in fact I carry every day in my things-I'll-need-if-I-get-attacked bag.  I crept up from behind and I screamed "DAMN YOU FOR COMING UP WITH THE CROCS IDEA FIRST!"  As Man Alice turned to see who shouted I sprayed him right in the eye with my pepper spray.  That caused him to fall into the hole behind him.  

"Mwahahah...wait. What? A hole?  Oh whatever might as well continue what I started," I shrugged as I started to push Man Alice down the too small hole for his big body he suddenly slipped right down and was screaming,"AHHHH!"  I chuckled as he went down the hole and waited till he was at the bottom of the hole.  As I waited I noticed that the hole was really deep deep down which made me wonder why would anything dig a hole so deep and never ending?  I took out a binocular from my things-I'll-need-if-I-get-attacked bag and looked through it down the hole.  I noticed the hole was pretty deep but wasn't never ending, aww that's too bad.  I also noticed that when the hole stopped going any deeper it took a sudden turn to the left.  Whats up with that?  Since I don't know if I just scared the shit out of him or physically injured him I guess this means I'll have to save Man Alice from starvation and uglynation.  

If he died my permanent record could be tainted forever and I won't be able to find a single decent guy.  Sigh*  "I'll come get you Man Alice, after I'm done preparing," I promised to Man Alice.  As I was about to go get prepared  to bring Man Alice back to the surface something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention.  I bent down to pick 'it' up and yelled, " I KNEW YOU WERE A MAN THE MOMENT I SAW YOU MAN ALICE!"  After taking my anger out on the tree beside me which caused it to fall.  I sighed.  "So 'this' was the reason Man Alice suddenly 'slipped' right down into the hole," I said.  "You'll pay for this Man Alice," I thought.  "Wow.  These weigh alot, wonder how much it actually weighs," I said as I weighed the ginormous fake boobs.  Hmm.  They do feel like real ones maybe I should try some. Yeah, maybe..wait what the hell am I thinking for crying out loud these are FAKE.  A man always said that real flat boobs are better than fake ginormous boobs, right?  Oh heck.  I might as well try it on and go shopping to get ready. Man Alice where ever you are I'm rooting for you to be alive. "Hwaiting,"I said as I quietly pumped my fist in the air. 

The End

0 comments about this story Feed