Under no circumstances was the hermit pleased about his dismemberment - I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be! You've just had your toes scratched off by an ebony spoon, are bloody serious - of course you're gonna be an extreme pain and displeasure! Shitting christ!
But anyway... about a thousand strides from the hermits abode stood an innocent little boy. Matted brown hair, emerald eyes, glistening teeth and covered head-to-toe in mud and ash. He stared at the pile of death in front of him happily (strange child). In front of him, lie the corpse of a burning Elder Dragon, it's mind frazzled and sizzled, and it's testicles slashed off by lightning. The little boy had an oddly-shaped twig in his hand which he was awkwardly shoving into the eye socket of the Elder Dragon - now, anybody with any f***ing common sense would not do that! Why? BECAUSE IT'S AN ELDER DRAGON! On the fiercest, largest and most beautiful of sky creatures in the land. It's firey breath can melt rock!
Behind the boy stood an ogre of a man, or a man of an ogre - I'm not sure, but one thing was for sure - he was bloody ugly! A heavy Roman nose which nearly dipped into his top lip, teeth which bent outwards and eyes which were smaller than hare shit (in other words, Freddy Mercury - which was coincidentally, his name).
"Freddy," The little boy shouted, "What is this magnificent creature?"
"I dunno, youth," Freddy Mercury responded, along with a homosexual wrist flick, "But isn't what you are doing a little bit dangerous?"
"Nah? It won't do anything!"
"How on Earth do you know?"
"It's dead, innit - look, it ain't breathing and I can't poke its sodding eye and it won't get up, I mean... even then it..."
WHOOSH! A volcanic blast of flames erupted from the dead Elder Dragon's nostrils. The little boy laid on the floor, his face melted and distorted in a way that was so unimaginable, it made Freddy Mercury run for the hills and straight into the path of Harold Tox. Freddy flew forward at a starlight pace as Harold's black stallion headbutted him into the side of a cavern which looked like a... well, it... I s... it... you know... the female thingy!
"Who are you to barge into my stallion?" Harold roared at Freddy Mercury.
"He's probably one of those hermits again!" The black stallion added.
"You think so, Troy?"
"I know so!" Said the black stallion again, who was obviously called Troy.
Harold clicked his fingers and pointed in the general direction of Freddy Mercury's comatose body.
"I'm not going there, your majesty!" Responded one of the soldiers.
"It looks like a vagina!"
"I know hermits look funny, but it's not all bad..."
"No, I meant he cave, sir! It's all strange and bushy..."